Via The Blue State Conservative
Millions of children around the world grow up fatherless, and in America this phenomenon can be cited as a significant factor in the deterioration of both our culture and our society. Fatherhood, and more importantly fathers themselves, are critical. For those of us who were fortunate to have had a father who helped raise us, most can point to multiple instances of friction and conflict over the years. Fathers, like all human beings, are imperfect and the relationships they have with their children can be complex.
Yet in most cases, particularly when the father is nearing the end of his life, bygones are put aside, attempts to reconcile are made, and the father’s eventual passing is lamented. The mourning begins as children process their loss. But in the case of Lawrence H. Pfaff, Sr. who died on June 27th, his son’s scathing obituary shows just how sad and awful father-child relations can be.
As reported by NBC News, the obituary written by Lawrence H. Pfaff, Jr. was…
“[P]ublished in a Florida newspaper over the weekend [and] described the deceased as a ‘dad to none’” whose death ‘proves that evil does eventually die.’ Lawrence H. Pfaff Sr., 81, of Belmont, New York, died June 27. He lived ‘a long life, much longer than he deserved,’ according to the obituary, which was published Saturday in The Florida Times-Union.
Writing the obituary was a process of healing from his childhood trauma, his son, Lawrence Pfaff Jr., told NBC News.
He described his father in the obituary as ‘a ladies’ man’ and an ‘abusive alcoholic,’ ‘solidifying his commitment to both with the path of destruction he left behind, damaging his adult children, and leaving them broken.’”
Not surprisingly, the obituary received quite a bit of attention. While Pfaff the younger had expected to receive a lot of negative feedback, he actually received quite a few positive reactions. Folks with similar life experiences told Pfaff that the obituary had helped them heal from their own pain. “If we can help somebody else see that it’s okay to stand up for yourself and tell the truth, there’s really nothing bad that should come from that,” said Pfaff.
For those of us watching from afar, those who know neither the family nor the obviously dysfunctional circumstances that led to the posthumous rebuke, we should be careful not to judge. We don’t know what caused those relationships to become so toxic. In fact, we don’t know anything other than what we’re being told by just one of Lawrence H. Pfaff, Sr.’s children via his scornful tribute. But there are certain things we do know.
We know that a man recently died at the age of 81 and that he will now be widely remembered as the man who had a blistering obituary written by his son. We know that a son, and perhaps several siblings, felt so damaged by their father’s parenting that there seems to be little, if any, grief now that the father is dead. And by the reactions of so many others, we also know that clashes like those amongst the Pfaffs are far too common.
Finally, we also know this: Anyone who can look back fondly at their relationships with their own fathers, and who feel true loss and grief when they pass, we are indeed fortunate. We should pray for peace for the surviving Pfaff children, we should pray for mercy on the soul of Lawrence H. Pfaff, Sr., and we should thank God Almighty for blessing us with the fathers we had.
By Jordan Case
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Well he did raise an asshole of a son.
Bitterness profits no one. Some of the best men I ever knew had absolute monsters for fathers. And they spent exactly zero time being bitter.
My pops was no such monster. I got lucky and I damn well know it.
Complete douche of a son. He knows nothing of how hard life can be. His father’s death was a time for forgiveness not scorn. What a little piece of shit.
Maybe his video games will make him feel better.
Why are you so judgmental??
Tell you what …. if you choose to respond, then tell me EVERYTHING you know about this father, the son, and their relationship.
Well, well, well, a Cricket Serenade …. seems you know neither Jack or Shit.
Perhaps you think it is the duty of a child to say only nice things about a deceased parent. Decorum, and all that. Ha! That’s pure bullshit. who the fuck made lying at a funeral a tradition?
I have NO IDEA is what the son said is true …. but, IF it is kudos to him for telling the truth!
There’s that perspective thing we keep talking about on these boards lately!!!
It is perhaps the one thing each man has absolute control over. Which is precisely why it’s so important.
“ who the fuck made lying at a funeral a tradition?“
Typically, it is the priest, pastor, whomever, that gets the ball rolling.
Started by the sadducees and pharisees. Huge boost via constantine.
I never, ever respond to Stucky because I was taught from a very young age, if cannot say anything up lifting, say nothing!
Of this I am sure … there are two side to a coin and every story of a life has a reverse and an obverse.
Stucky hides behind a coin he would never tell and as such he remains as always a person of no substance. He is, and remains a thinking person, but one who has a dark past that hold him back.
It would be my observance that he wished the entire World collapse in a flash and that none survive except of course himself.
Being old I can tell him that death is a transition, many things not said that should have been said but after that long drawn out final breath when we all “give up the Ghost” can never be said.
The son was wrong and there is a wonderful poem that expresses that by Dillon Thomas that I wish to share with all.
Rage Rage..
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Remember at all times Stucky, the existence of God is evident in nature, You have no excuse when your ticket is clipped……….. Incoming????
Perfectly said. Stucky reeks of self loathing and vulgarity.
Yes, I would be happy if the world collapsed. SO WOULD YOU!! You long for it, desire it like nothing else, for you wait for Jeebus to come back … which, by definition, entails the world collapsing. So, let’s call a spade a spade … you are just yet another hypocritical Christian fag boy … whose number is legion upon legion.
===
Thanks for that info. But, you forgot to add; retard level IQ, judgmental, hypocrite, hater, ego maniac, and a world class sucker of Diseased Donkey Dick. I believe most of your DNA dribbled down your father’s leg.
I know for a FACT Stucky doesn’t want the whole world to vanish. He would let at LEAST twenty or thirty of nkit’s Friday Fail girls live with him on one of Warren Buffet’s private islands!!!
My mother used to say, if you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all. I’m so glad that she was not a busybody or a gossip.
Re: Stucky…….I was taught to never get into a pissing contest with a skunk.
Gee wiz …nothing but crickets from HF. Not surprised.
What kind for response are you looking for Stuck?
I don’t know what you’re going through but clearly you aren’t interested in friendship. You don’t answer phone calls, don’t accept invitations, etc..
When you respond to anything I say lately it’s with derision or sarcasm.
I get the message. Whatever you’re looking for from me I’m afraid I can’t be of help.
De mortuis nil nisi bonum
OK. Great. Just great. Fukit then. I’m done.
Fucking ingrates
Ever see the movie I Can Only Imagine? Worth a watch.
Absolutely outstanding movie, AA.
Obviously, Pfaff, Jr. never learned about forgiveness and grace like Bart did.
It is. Very impactful.
Chicks dig jerks. Obviously, because some woman spread her legs and allowed this “horrible” man to impregnate her three times, and apparently, he also impregnated other women (the “obituary” mentions a fourth and fifth child).
Obviously, the son who wrote this “obituary” needs testosterone replacement therapy, ASAP. (Pro tip, jackass: only women or female men need “closure.” Real men just process things and move forward.) This guy is probably a homosexual.
“…Chicks dig jerks…”
I’m still trying to figure that one out. And I don’t think there’s an easy answer to the phenomenon.
Um, no, Red. Not true. Don’t believe it. Total lie.
You’re a John Wayne appreciating girl. That rules you out of the equation. But I have watched over the years and there is something to the claim.
Lower class stripper type girls who are fashion magazine type attractive, for the most part, seem to gravitate toward guys who treat them like shit. White trash girls seem to do the same more often than not.
Old fashioned girls do not fall into this category. Conservative traditionalist girls do not fall into the category, generally speaking. Less intelligent, less well rounded, less well brought up girls, of which there are many, do.
It’s not a baseless claim, AA. But again, I have not resolved the enigma yet, after quite a few years watching and pondering.
Then it’s got to be due to low self-esteem. Men with low self-esteem also hook up with jerks who treat them like crap.
Like guys who marry man-hating leftist demons, for example?
Your point is a big component of the equation, but I find there are subtleties which even low self esteem doesn’t answer to entirely. Weakness of character, in general. Self destructive tendencies and self loathing. Darkness of spirit. An affinity and kinship with wickedness. Cowardice. These things all bear on the phenomenon as well.
I never met a godly woman who enjoyed being treated like shit, or long suffered the company of men who behaved in such ways.
Yep, I can see how those subtleties listed play a part.
“Like guys who marry man-hating leftist demons…”
Exactly who I was thinking about. Now, that’s a phenomenon right there. Mind-blowing.
😂 Most never have the good fortune to meet a real “ equal but opposite.”
As originally formed.
2x as far as i can find. “ IN EARTH”. ( as in made from, + breath of life)
NOT “on”
Red, I think it has to do with base primate instincts. Humans are at least half primate. I’m not saying humans ‘evolved’ from apes, I’m saying we ARE actually apes who somehow, by evolution or a Divine spark, developed abstract intelligence and self-awareness. That means I believe in God, but I don’t believe in the Bible literally. I believe it as metaphor and symbolism.
Female primates go for the the dominant male primate, or the one who can convince her he is. That means males who can convincingly display confidence cues, real or faked, will get females to mate with him.
Jerk primate males display these confidence cues, even in gorillas. Go watch some YouTube videos of gorillas.
So that explains why you keep behaving like an ass. Well, I’m not going to judge, but at least try to fix that dumb part of you. There is no benefit to being a dumb ass most of the time.
Then why do you continue to be a dumb ass, dumb ass?
Yea, why do you keep being a dumb ass, KJ? That’s way too lame, even for you, KJ.
I have noticed that, too.
I think it is driven by the mistaken thought that a jerk will be a tough guy defending his girl when necessary. A very primal female need of being protected, and the more testosterone (and often the less kindness) the better.
Not every truth has to be said out loud, certainly not in a newspaper shouted out to the world.
After death of the accused, what is there to gain for this son other than cementing a victim mentality, probably coupled with a healthy dose of self aggrandizing or narcissism?
True. I blame the parents.
As we forgive our trespassers, our trespasses will be forgiven.
Saying that prayer daily helps keep me out of trouble.
When I was a kid, we started every day at school with that prayer. We did not have school shootings or much violence. When it was removed from schools, things began to spiral downward to the point the United States is rapidly circling the drain.
I’d like to think the same.
His ONLY JOY was MISERY.
HIS ONLY HOPE? DESPAIR.
there is more to this story than what the butt hurt kid is telling , got cut out of the will, never liked his step mom ect. i’ve known many people who had worthless parents and as adults they had moved on with their lives.
Will? You think the old man had a will?
You can’t succeed at hating your parents. It will return to you and make you miserable.
My father died before I could kill him and then I was mad because he cheated me out of killing him and I came within a whisker of killing my mother in a drunken rage. He would grab me by the hair and beat me with a skinny belt til I was welted from my ankles to my lower back. She would keep us inside while she went on hour long screaming and crying jags telling us how much she hated us. 13 years and neither ever said hello to any of us and never talked to us but to bark orders to get the wood split of feed the animals etc. Never touched us either except to breast feed for a month. When the oldest girl was six she became our parents.
Nobody taught us anything about life. We just muddled through doing it wrong until you found something that sorta worked and went with it. When he died at 13 I hit the streets and except for school to keep the truant officer off my back only went home to sleep. I didn’t need to go to Nam to go crazy, it just too it up a few notches.
All that hatred ate me alive. I took the evil and the evil took me. It took me places I didn’t want to go, did things I didn’t want to do, with People I didn’t want to do it with. At 34 I was a broken old man on the verge of jumping into the water late one night in a deep depression.
To Stephanie Sheppard and her enablers all I can say is you haven’t suffered diddly squat YET. You sound just like me 40 years ago and that self pity will take you to the places I went.
As for this Phaff pussy I say piss off faggot. The real story behind my story is I had great parents. YES Great Parents. The things parents are doing to their kids today makes me look like a piker. My parents didn’t hit me in the pooper or sell my 3 year old sister for a hit of crack, day in and day out.
In spite of my setbacks I got some tough love at the right time and prayed for help without conditions and got it but I had to get off my lazy butt to do the action required for the results I was looking for.
One of those actions was to forgive my parents unconditionally. It wasn’t easy at first but worth it.
From 100 pounds of skin sleeping in the gutter, God lifted me out when I cried out and since I have been very successful at anything I turned my hand to. I changed the only thing I can change in this world and that is my attitude. But I had to take the action to change the attitude. I can’t think my way into right action, I have to act my way into right thinking. Bring the body and the mind will follow.
Thank you for sharing that Flea!
Wow, Flea. You remind me so much of my own father. Slightly different circumstances, but a lot of similarities. Like him, you are a self-made man…with God’s grace, of course. Much respect for you.
If i’ve made a difference here you certainly had a hand in it and that’s a fact. My only goal has been to bring one soul one step closer to God each day. In exchange I’ve been blessed to the point of embarrassment with gifts galore.
Flea, you have made a difference in my life
We were disembodied spirits joined in an egg in our mothers womb for the purpose you describe. A second opportunity to accept God’s Kingship. Did you know that it is only the male sperm that contributes blood to the new life in her womb. Through an act of God the miracle in the womb allows the mother to provide everything else but we provide the blood. It’s a fact.
Hence the importance placed on corrupting our blood through vaxxines and or sterilizing us.
Re the blood transmission from the father to the children:
This is how the debt of sin is transmitted from father to child, biblically speaking. The sin debt can only be cancelled if the child grows and turns to that saving belief in Christ.
It is also why Christ could not have an earthly father. Had Christ been the seed of an earthly father, He could never have been born without sin.
Yup. It really is that uncomplicated.
I believe but can’t prove that it is also why abortion is way more than just murder and it’s the source of what happens to a woman who aborts a baby. It harms them beyond anything I would ever be able to describe. I’m only repeating what several Christian women have confided in me.
My 6 year old asked me last week if God and Jesus are the same or different? I told him that different people think differently about that. But what does HE think? He said that he thinks that they are different because Jesus died but God never dies.
It’s not a sin debt, it’s the sin nature that gets transferred and the loss of eternal life once you commit your first sin which usually begins with the first word infants learn after mama and dada. But that could start an argument that I don’t have time to finish.
The Scripture has it that all seed of men are born in sin. Sin is not acquired. It is bequeathed through the blood of our fathers. There is no way out of it, except for THE Way.
Bible verses and passages at the ready if you would like me to lay out the case, solely from the Word of God.
Flea, thank you for your posts. I try and read them all. Making a difference.
You are the extended part of your parents. In forgiving them, you also forgive yourself. And by casting off your lifetime burden, you find success. Well done.
“ You can’t succeed at hating your parents.“
Thank you for the details, many can relate.
Something about walking a mile in another person’s shoes…
Wonderful testamony, Flea.
Thank God your parents didn’t hit you in the pooper!
Wire monkey parents are of the cruelest people.
It is good advice to think about how action influences thought just as much as thought influences action.
Ken, what is a wire monkey? That’s a new one.
Seeing the sine wave inside the yin-yang is profound for me. Thanks.
Vocals start at 1:50
And when he died, all he left us was alone. Pretty sad song.
I went three years without speaking to my mother at one point. I had the opportunity to read both her and my father’s correspondence from when he was away at boot camp and army reserve training right after they were married. Gotta say, he should never have come home to her. Would have meant no me in that family, but his life would certainly have been different. As much as I moved beyond all the negativity between me and my mom following their divorce and his untimely death, she could never let anything go. Alzheimer’s finally destroyed her memory and we were able to return to mom and son again. Who knows what this dad was still like to his children. Who knows what he did while they were kids. Who knows how much this son attempted to move beyond what dad would not drop. I was blessed to be able to move beyond the emotional trauma my mother inflicted. I am certainly not going to judge this guy except to say how unfortunate it is that he wasn’t able.
Maybe this will allow him to move on.
I hope for his sake that it will.
Unless those words on the tombstone are gone, he is stuck with that burden for eternity.
Ouch, I hope I get a better Obit than that.
My grandfather left a will. And in it he left each of his 3 sons $1. He said that was all they were worth.
The reactions on their faces must have been priceless if they were expecting spendable dollars. Here guy’s, eat your dollar food, whatever it’s worth. Why do kids think they are owed an inheritance?
De mortuis nil nisi bonum.
Relationships are so hard and communication difficult on a good day……………
I prefer the truth.
If what the son writes is the truth, nothing but the truth and the whole truth, congrats to him for telling the truth – and for not killing his father when he was still alive.
(The obituary seems to have been pulled, but what is quoted by NBC News is not “hateful” in any way but mostly factual with some toned-down conclusions.)
Talking bad about your parents next to their graves is like smearing shit in your own face. This has nothing to do with the truth, but self-desecration
And before he did that, everything was hunky-dory or on the path to such?
Contrary to what you post.
Moar conjecture, please!
Well he had the 600 dollars to post a negative obit about dad.So his dad did raise a man who is literate and has some cash in his pocket .More than I can say for the millions of pavement apes out there.