Santa Claus Sleighjacked While Delivering Toys In Philly

Via The Babylon Bee

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PHILADELPHIA, PA – The Philadelphia Police Department today confirmed Santa Claus was sleighjacked while trying to deliver toys to all the good little boys and girls in the city.

“I parked to check Google Maps and suddenly there was this guy with a gun forcing me out of the sleigh,” a tearful Claus told police. “I didn’t have time to dig through my sacks of toys to get out a Red Ryder BB Gun and defend myself. It all happened so fast.”

“Ugh, I had over seven PS5s on that thing!”

Claus says the sleighjacker pushed him out of the sleigh and then took the reins, taking the magical flying vehicle on a joyride through the skies of Philly. Investigators believe the sleighjacking was random and that the perpetrator simply intends to get it over the Mexican border where it can be sold for parts. The reindeer may be taken to Canada where they’ll be made into jerky.

The police department has vowed to bring the sleighjacker to justice, while Santa Claus has vowed to put him on the naughty list. Claus was able to rent a sleigh and continue on to Chicago, where he was immediately sleighjacked again and shot 17 times in the chest. His attackers were released on $50 bail.

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17 Comments
Abigail Adams
Abigail Adams
December 25, 2022 6:39 pm

Enjoy! Wish I were a fly on the wall in that room…

BL
BL
  Abigail Adams
December 25, 2022 6:40 pm

Take no prisoners Yoji ! Good Luck.

BL
BL
  BL
December 25, 2022 10:18 pm

I too am bloodline to a Union General who is prominent in the Cyclorama painting (132 years old) of the battle of Atlanta.

The names Hoyt, Stoddard, Reed, Taylor, Street and Gold are Sherman’s bloodline. The Bush crime family is bloodline to Sherman out of Henry/Agnes Sherman. You could also be bloodline to Bill Gates from the Marvin/Keeler/Maxwell side. Gates is sixth cousin to Sherman. I could go on all night, but to pinpoint I would need names to work with. If you are kin to the Rockefellers, Fondas, Woolworths, Remingtons or Abigail Adams you may be a bloodline which is of THE two bloodlines.

Abigail Adams
Abigail Adams
  BL
December 25, 2022 10:22 pm

😂 Funny, BL.

BL
BL
  Abigail Adams
December 25, 2022 10:33 pm

Not kidding ,Abigail Adams was 4th cousin to Gen. Sherman out of Emanuel Downing and Lucy Winthrop (yes, as in THE Winthrop family for which Winthrop Rockefeller was named).

BL
BL
  BL
December 25, 2022 10:35 pm

I could really go on all night if I had family names in Arch’s family tree.

Abigail Adams
Abigail Adams
  BL
December 25, 2022 10:39 pm

It is entirely possible then. Archie & I might be distant cousins. Awkward…😳.

BL
BL
  Abigail Adams
December 25, 2022 10:53 pm

How are you related to Abigail Adams?

Abigail Adams
Abigail Adams
  BL
December 25, 2022 10:57 pm

I’m not. My family would have been on the other side of the tracks.

I was just joking around. Being related to Archie would have been wyrd.

Your research is impressive, though.

BL
BL
  Abigail Adams
December 25, 2022 11:04 pm

AA- being a grifter bloodline actor is not better than those of us from the other side of the tracks. We may be curs but we are still in the 20%. 🙂

Abigail Adams
Abigail Adams
  BL
December 25, 2022 11:14 pm

Well then, I should be in a really good shape. My family seemed to have had a severe allergic reaction to bloodline actors. 😁

BabbleOn
BabbleOn
December 25, 2022 6:54 pm

All I want for Christmas is 3 Substation Transformers. Washington.

BL
BL
  Administrator
December 25, 2022 7:37 pm

Memes are becoming to close to reality.

RiNS
RiNS
December 25, 2022 9:55 pm