WASHINGTON, D.C. — In preparation for his long-awaited visit to survey the damage left in the wake of the East Palestine, Ohio train derailment disaster, U.S. Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg’s team is briefing him on the catastrophe by using a wooden toy train set.
“Chugga chugga chugga — TOOT TOOT! Uh oh! Choo choo go boom!'” said Pete excitedly as aides brought out a toy recreation of the derailment. “Wooo Woooooooo! I’m a conductor!”
“We figured this would be the best way to help him understand,” said top Buttigieg aide Michael Fitzpatrick. “Dealing with complex problems with a lot of moving parts and sensitive elements isn’t exactly Secretary Buttigieg’s strong suit. These little wooden toys from Ikea really come in handy.”
Buttigieg is finally commenting on the train derailment that has resulted in a release and controlled burn of toxic chemicals and is planning to visit the region soon. Aides quickly found the Secretary’s basic knowledge of the incident — and the state of Ohio in general — to be severely lacking. “He initially thought we were referring to Palestine, like in the Middle East,” said Patrick Fitzmichael, another close Buttigieg advisor. “We had to grab a globe and show him where Ohio is. After that, using the little toy train set seemed like a good idea.”
Sources who were present at the closed-door briefing described the scene as “fun” and “playful,” but also “disturbing” and “unbefitting of national leadership.”
At publishing time, the Buttigieg team was scrambling to find an adult-sized train conductor’s hat, which the Secretary had demanded if he was going to visit the derailment site.
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Buttiplug. “East Palestine, that’s where I’m a Viking.”
Someone who can’t figure out that the anus is not a sex organ is probably not the brightest bulb in the box. Another moron diversity hire.
‘I am surprised they didn’t use adult males for the demonstration train. Would Buttigieg “Identify” with the Locomotive, or the Caboose?
Not that elections matter, but it would be hilarious if the Dems ran this guy in 2024. I think they would be shocked at who – of their own expected voters – would not vote for him.
Quick: name the current mayor of South Bend, Indiana! No idea, right? Me neither. Just shows that the only reason anyone ever heard of Buttgeek is that he sucks dick (presumably).
I’d be really hard pressed to believe that’s how he gets his daily infusion
Don’t give them ideas.
“Wooo Woooooooo! I’m a conductor!”
If he’s gonna visit Palestine he ought to take one of those beanie caps, just in case he finds himself at a Wailing Wall.
Or wailing at a wall…
What a pathetic excuse for a man. Rump ranger POS.
Watching Petey on the news was like watching take your kid to work day,was his daddy there?
If you shoved a Louisville Slugger up his ass He wouldn’t even know it.
Brutal. True. Funny!
he should share a hammer with piglosi
…not the “toy” little Petey Buttgang was hoping for…