The Great DOJ Werewolf Hunt

Guest Post by Jim Kunstler

“Whenever Biden says ‘I’m not joking,’ he’s lying. Whenever he says, ‘I’m joking,’ he’s telling the truth.” — Margot Cleveland

At long last you know what those plangent cries of Russia! Russia! Russia! ringing across the land signify: America has been turning into Russia, Joe Stalin-style, since 2016, just as Lon Chaney turned into a werewolf on-screen back in 1941. Trump Derangement turns out to be an extreme presentation of mass Species Identity disorder, a national altered state that (Wikipedia says): “…typically involves delusions and hallucinations with the transformation only seeming to happen in the mind and behavior of the affected person.”

     Clinical lycanthropy is a very rare condition and is largely considered to be an idiosyncratic expression of a psychotic or dissociative episode caused by another condition such as Dissociative Identity Disorder, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder or clinical depression. It has also been associated with drug intoxication and withdrawal, cerebrovascular disease, traumatic brain injury, dementia, delirium, and seizures…. However, there are suggestions that certain neurological conditions and cultural influences may result in the expression of the human-animal transformation theme that defines the condition.”

So, now we are to have a grand show trial, in the Stalinist mode, of presidential candidate (and werewolf) Donald Trump on charges actually concocted off-site in the Lawfare laboratory of Commissar for Werewolf Activities Andrew Weissmann and sidekick, Brookings Institute fellow Norm Eisen, late counsel to the House Committee that impeached the werewolf with disappointing results over a telephone call to Ukraine in 2019. And, yes, that would be the same Andrew Weissmann who previously (but surreptitiously) led the team of intrepid Lawfare werewolf exorcists fronted by dementia victim Robert Mueller. Mr. Weissmann’s previous two-year-long werewolf hunt was a bust, too, of course. The werewolf slipped off into the moonstruck night to gnaw on Democrat loins again!

This time Mr. Weissman’s front-man is federal attorney Jack Smith, new to the werewolf hunting scene, packing a seven-shot indictment of silver bullets, aiming to show America how it’s done. And just in case he misses those shots, he’s got another gun strapped to his ankle chambering silver bullets engraved with “Jan 6” on the slugs. If you think our world has gotten interesting, better buckle into your Big Boy lounger because this werewolf movie is going places like none before.

You may have noticed the timing of this new werewolf hunt has a near-magical synchronicity with oddly identical circumstances shimmering around the current occupant of the White House — another case of misplaced official papers. Unlike the Donald Trump werewolf hunt, the “Joe Biden” classified-docs-in-a-garage case is moving at the speed of an Amtrak train with a broken Johnson rod stuck on a sidetrack outside Joppatowne, Maryland, in a snowstorm on Christmas Eve. But those purloined classified papers may be the least of “Joe Biden’s” concerns. Why, just the other day a single “whistleblower” document turned up in the House Oversight Committee’s SCIF — a special room for the performance of secret rituals — suggesting that “JB” was on the receiving end of $5 million gratis from some generous soul connected to a Ukrainian natgas company. That payday, for services left murky, when “JB” happened to be Barack Obama’s vice-president, came around the same period as yet other multi-million-dollar gift parcels from China, Russia, and Romania flew into a long list of companies operated by “JB’s” son Hunter, with no known business other than receiving large sums of money and then writing checks to various Biden family members. “Well Sonofabitch…!” as the president himself once said apropos of legal doings in Ukraine.

You understand, the US Department of Justice — the outfit that employs werewolf hunter Jack Smith — got a hold of that “Joe Biden” Ukraine “whistleblower” receipt a good three years ago, and somehow AG Merrick Garland has been unable to take any action on it since then. It’s been mouldering in some remote FBI file, out of sight and mind until Rep. James Comer (R-KY) subpoenaed it. Apparently, not even the most preliminary inquiry. Nothing to see there. May have been a shortage of federal attorneys not already assigned to the odious Jan 6 “insurrection” incident that so scarily endangered our democracy. Why, they are still rounding up suspects from sea to shining sea for that treasonous caper, so deep, broad , and dark was the conspiracy!

Springing the werewolf trap on Mr. Trump in the Miami federal district court is sure to intoxicate the, let’s say, thirty percent of the public gripped by lycanthropic hallucinations. You can hear cheers ring out in Santa Monica and the Hamptons today as the “blue” demographic prepares to watch the glorious ordeal of Donald Trump’s legal vivisection. They are forgetting one thing, though: werewolves have powers unknown to mere men who hunt them. Trapping a werewolf is one thing, but holding onto him is another. There are seventeen full moons between now and the next election. A lot can happen, especially among the, let’s say, seventy percent of the public, who disapprove of all this werewolf craziness. The hunters might even find themselves flipped, horrifyingly, into the hunted.

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