Years-Long, Multimillion-Dollar Nomination Process Narrows Field Down To Four Worst People On Planet

Via The Babylon Bee

U.S.—Political parties are passionate about making sure they nominate just the right candidate to lead our country. That’s why the nomination process takes so long and costs so much money.

Well, it’s all finally paying off. After three years of grueling campaigning and hundreds of millions of dollars spent in the Democratic primaries, the DNC has narrowed the field down to the four worst people on the planet.

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The Balloon Heads

Guest Post by The Zman

One of the unremarked aspects of the current age is that we seem to be experiencing exaggerated versions of various types in the managerial society. For example, Pete Buttigieg is an exaggerated version of the managerial class striver. He is entirely without accomplishments, but festooned with participation medals. Trump is the exaggerated, almost cartoonish, version of the populist resistance. He’s the picaresque populist fighting the system, but all of the dials are turned to eleven.

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Reindeer Games

Guest Post by Jim Kunstler

The WashPo staffers had barely finished toasting “merry impeachmas” — and then quickly deleting the incriminating tweet + photo that signaled their self-owned chagrin — when the implications of the day’s solemn work started sifting through those quarters of the alt-news media where the chronically self-owned don’t dare to go, or even look: Nancy Pelosi and her too-clever-by-half Lawfare grunts had engineered a Hanging Chad Impeachment.

Apparently, Mrs. Pelosi wants to play Hide the Salami with the impeachment bill. She invoked some slippery procedure to stash it where the sun don’t shine in the hope that the senate won’t be able to follow through with its duty to try the very charges set out in the bill. How’s that gonna go over when the details are actually sorted out?

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Modern-Day Good Samaritan Sees Injured Man On Side Of Road, Angrily Tweets About Republicans

Via The Babylon Bee

NEW YORK, NY—Greg Klein was walking home when he saw an injured man on the side of the road. Much like the good Samaritan in Jesus’s parable, Klein acted swiftly. He immediately took out his phone and let his rival political party have it on Twitter.

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