Drink THE FIRST TIME and the FIRST TIME only:
1. A candidate invokes the memory of Saint Reagan.
2. A candidate mentions Hillary’s emails.
Drink EVERY TIME:
3. Hugh Hewitt hurls a douchey gotcha question at Trump.
4. Trump – or any of the other candidates – insults or threatens one of the moderators. Beer chaser if it’s Tapper or Bash, and the candidate rips liberal-ass CNN in the process.
5. Trump brags about his wealth or his poll numbers, or mocks the low poll numbers of an opponent.
6. A candidate pledges to stand with Israel.
7. Carly Fiorina makes a joke about her own face.
8. A candidate claims a positive relationship with a minority. We’re keeping this rule in every debate. (So far we’re one-for-one: Kasich said he had a gay friend in the first debate.)
9. Anyone mentions Kim Davis or the “War on Christians.”
10. A candidate says he’ll stand up to Putin.
11. Trump derides someone for being a “lightweight” or having “low energy” or “low enthusiasm.”
12. Anyone mentions Tom Brady or Deflategate.
13. Anyone calls Black Lives Matter a “hate group,” argues that BLM or Barack Obama have endangered the lives of police, or pulls a “What about black-on-black crime?” line.
14. A candidate mentions the founders. Double shot if it’s Rand Paul.
15. Carson invokes the Bible as an authority for something that has nothing to do with the Bible, like tax policy.
16. A candidate says, “I’m the only person on this stage who…” Double shot if it’s Carson saying something like, “I’m the only candidate who’s had his hands inside a human thorax.”
17. Anyone mentions Hitler, Nazis or Neville Chamberlain. Includes related imagery, e.g. “ovens.”
18. A candidate stumbles over what to call ISIS/ISIL, or mispronounces the name of a world leader.
19. Anyone mentions the Governator or makes a Terminator-themed joke, e.g. “To illegal immigrants, I say, Hasta La Vista.”
Drink EVERY TIME you hear:
20. “Anchor babies.”
21. “Thug.”
22. “Leading from behind.”
23. “All lives matter.”
24. “Apologize for America.”
25. “Eye-ran.”
Take a shot of JAGERMEISTER if:
26. Anyone compares Kim Davis to Rosa Parks.
27. Any candidate is seen wearing a Blue Lives Matter bracelet.
28. A candidate offers an insincere paean to departed Rick Perry. Double shot if someone references his “smart glasses.”
