WASHINGTON D.C.—After the release of the Mueller Report, which stated there was no evidence that President Donald Trump had committed a crime, Trump held an awards ceremony in which he gave away what he described as “the most prestigious award ever in all history”— the Presidential Medal of Not Committing Crimes. The recipient: himself.
“I am honored to give this award to me,” Trump told the press and the one non-press member in attendance, Vice President Mike Pence, whom Trump stared at every so often to get him to clap. “This is only given to someone who, after a long and exhaustive investigation, was found to have not committed crimes and to be the most honest and law-abiding person ever.”
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