In case you thought he was playing hoops, night putting with Reggie Love, or trying to sign up for Obamacare, you’ll be happy to know your savior was busy yesterday telling Vlad what he plans to do if Russia invades the Ukraine. Oh. Russia already invaded the Ukraine. Well that changes the complexion. Obama’s red line got crossed before he had time to draw it. Below is the actual dialogue that took place related to this fantastic photo of the savior saving the world.
White House Photographer: Mr. President, can we interrupt your NCAA bracket pool analysis to fake a picture of you supposedly speaking with Vladamir Putin?
Obama: Will this take long? Moosh is out in the vegetable garden and Reggie is waiting upstairs.
White House Photographer: No. You just have to act presidential and hold a phone up to your ear. Make sure you have the right end up to your mouth this time.
Obama: Do I actually have to say anything? Where’s my teleprompter?
White House Photographer: Make sure you roll up your sleeves and pose like a fagged with your hand on your hip.
Obama: My fashion coordinator picked out this tough guy denim shirt and said I looked like a real man. That should really intimidate Vlad.
White House Photographer: Vlad can’t see you through the phone and this is just a fake photo op. You aren’t really talking to him.
Obama: Can we hurry this along, Duke is playing North Carolina and I don’t want to miss a second. Then I have a $25,000 a plate gala fund raiser with Jon Corzine and Jamie Dimon.
Obama: I sure hope this Ukraine mess gets fixed by Ketchup Kerry before Sunday night. The Oscars are my favorite night of the year. I wonder what Sandra Bullock is going to wear. I told the Academy that Twelve Years a Slave better win, or those Hollywood tax breaks will disappear.
White House Photographer: Why are you taking off your pants?
Obama: Just getting ready for Reggie.
Obama: If Vlad really does call, tell him I’m busy. I piss my undies every time I hear his voice.
