There’s a new Superman vs. Batman movie out. I’m torn as to whether or not I should see it.
Question #1: HOW in the fuck does Batman beat Superman?
Question #2: Is there any Superhero who can beat Superman in hand to hand combat? (No fucken’ Kryptonite allowed!)
Every Friday when I got my pitiful allowance I would go to the corner mom&pop store and buy my 12 cent Superman comic book. I loved that guy. Here’s some shit Superman can do.
1)- Fuck bullets. Superman can survive multiple lighting bolts … and then bullshit about it!! (He also survives nuclear bombs.)
2)- Superman’s concentrated vision can melt your fat ass in just seconds!
3)- Superman can survive in outer space … and smash the fuck outta meteors.
Superman is so fast he can break the time barrier. I’m guessing he could duck Batman’s punches.
Superman’s blow jobs will fuuuck you up.
Here are Batman’s super powers.
OH, ….. WAIT ………
Fuck off, Dark Knight. You’re a pussy. A Darkie fraud. A Democrat, no doubt. A pretender with a cape. Blow me.
Maybe that’s why the movie only gets 29% on rottentomatoes.
This is just retarded. I mean the Incredible Hulk could beat the piss out of both of them at the same time.
If everyone saw your post, nobody would watch this movie.
What happened to the days when the good guys were pitted against the bad guys instead of each other?
Ed
The Hulk? Beat Superman?? PUH-LEEEASE!!!
The Green Pussy can’t even make Superman flinch.
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Ed — Also, your blasphemy is UN-American!!
As you can see, all Superman has to do is employ the TBP-Groin-Punch …. which no one can survive.
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Batman is a tactician, in a fist fight, supes would win but with enough time batman would develop a way to stop him. Batman actually has plans for how to stop every member of the justice league as a contingency plan if they were to turn to evil.
Supermans power comes from the sun, block out the sun and keep the fight going long enough or detonate a huge bomb that he takes the brunt of and he’ll be as weak as any of us.
Also superman is extremely weak when he is up against magic so if batman recruits the help of zatarra or dr fate then superman would be in trouble.
Hulk in theory could, supermans power has limits, hulks strength is only limited by how angry he can get. Hulks problem is he is as stupid as a neegroid but certain versions have the strength and inteligence (like the grey hulk version).
And deadpool got like 80% on rottentomatoes, beeyotches!
Then theres doomsday (not the gay version in BvS) but from the comics who actually killed superman.
Then there is martian manhunter who superman has referred to as the strongest superhero he knows.
Plus apocalypse from the matvel universe could defeat superman one on one, he’s otherwordly strong as fuq.
I am soo disappointed in you, Stucky. You have dragged in those obviously photoshopped pics of Superman just standing there when Hulk busted his ass.
Anybody can just ask their self, “Self, why does Supe act like he don’t notice that Hulk just knocked his ass OUT?” It’s because fuckin PHOTOSHOP.
There. I rest my case.
“Hulk in theory could, supermans power has limits, hulks strength is only limited by how angry he can get. Hulks problem is he is as stupid as a neegroid ”
HELL YEAH. Harrryp nails it. You are done Stucky. Game fuckin over.
Maybe that’s why the movie only gets 29% on rottentomatoes.
And makes $200,000,000.00 in 6 days and $424,000,000.00 to date…..
With that kind of return. Who cares if it’s painful to watch…
We want MOAR!!!!!
If it were a battle of gadgets – I’d take Iron Man to kick Batman’s ass
Deadpool – yeah…my new fav. Haven’t enjoyed a movie as much as this one in a long time. Who cares whether superman or batman win? Neither one of them ever got laid…not once.
” …. supermans power has limits ….” ———– harry p
Well, first of all, show some fucken respect!! Use a capital “S” in Superman!
Superman’s powers are ALWAYS GROWING, and there is no limit. Look, here is the first issue of Superman. How strong is he? He can lift a fucking car, woohoo!!
Now, many years later, the cumulative effects of living under a yellow sun, have made Superman so powerful that he can split PLANETS in half … and fuse them back together again!! None of the superheroes you suggested can accomplish that. Cuz they’re pussies.
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“Supermans power comes from the sun, block out the sun …” —— harry p
OK, now you’re just being retarded.
So, what happens when it GETS DARK at night?? Superman has no powers? Ha!! You are correct …. Superman DERIVES his power from the sun. And once he gets that power … it remains FOREVER.
Look, don’t make me spoon-feed you this info. I normally charge $50 for such consultations. Please study up on Superman before you post again.
There are only two beings that might be able to beat Superman.
1. Superman’s long lost brother.
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2. Thor !! Thor is a GOD. Gods don’t lose.
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Deadpool = Best lead in credits EVER……. 😀
I can’t wait for the movie where Superman decides he is a woman and opts for sex reassignment surgery.
“2. Thor !! Thor is a GOD. Gods don’t lose.”
Hulk would just pure T fuck Thor up.
I feel like I just wandered into an episode of Big Bang Theory with Stucky appearing as Sheldon…..
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Then, Hulk would grab Thor by the leg and beat Supe’s ass halfway off with Thor’s dead body. There.
“Neither one of them ever got laid…not once.”
Dam right…. and Hulk has got like 400 babymommas.
sorry stucky but you’re wrong, the power of the sun doesn’t stay with him forever, perfect example is from the story The Dark Knight Retruns by Frank Miller where much of the ideas from BvS came from
this is the animated version and superman saves the US from a nuke and is nearly killed, he only survives because he is able to absorb some sunlight and heal.
also on krypton he would be nothing special, the sun that the earth orbits is the difference.
there are also versions and storylines where his cousin, Supergirl, is actually faster than Superman and as the potential to be stronger.
thor is strong but hulk has defeated thor by himself so fuq thor and mjolnr
and this isn’t even getting into some more extreme enemies like Brainiac, Darkseid (who is a New God teased in BvS), Thanos with the infinity gauntlet (from marvel) or the Anti-Monitor.
supertrump would be tough for superman, he’s an illegal alien stealing superhero jobs from hard working ‘Murkans
superman is strong as fuq but his greatest weakness is his perception that he is invulnerable. this leads to him rushing in and assuming he can take any attack and still win wihtout a strategy(sounds like a good comparison to the USA, USA, USA, lol).
batman in TDKR like in BvS is old but shaped by perpetual battle, he knows his limits and weaknesses and how to better not let them be exploited.
once you’ve done some research we can talk more but until then…
(mic drop)
harry p ……….. and you other fucken destroyers of dreams
I have so few sources of printed Absolute Truth. I once thought I found it in the Bible, but some of those stories Just Can’t Be. I tried reading the Koran once, but after a couple pages I decided to use it as toilet paper. I once followed the advice I learned in “Everything I Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten” … and then no one would hire me.
ALL I have left is The Truth found in Superman comic books. And all you fucken curs want to do is take even that away from me. Why? WHY??????
so a guy with a utility belt can beat a bullet proof extra-terrestrial ….. me thinks bat man has a big dog mentality , lot of bark, no bite.
Stan Lee is a fucking asshole ……… (even though I Iove Thor)
WHO am I describing here?
— his mother raised him even though he was not really hers
— the child was not of this world
— he is an emissary of this world and the world from which he came
— the boy grows to become a man of justice, humility, and impeccable moral character
— the world’s evil doers constantly try to kill him
— the man willingly sacrifices himself for this world
— he actually DIED … and then came back to life
Jesus? Yes! BUT, also … Superman!
So, THINK about this ——–> JESUS WAS SUPERMAN !!
Beat THAT ya fucken curs!!
I WIN!!!!
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It was Doomsday who killed Supe. However, your right that the originators were Hebes, so there’s that coincidence. Though they might have adapted the story from Samson or Nietzsche. Also, Clark’s original name was Hebrew. Maybe his little curls should be longer. Does he go to your new barber?
Stucky says: So, THINK about this ——–> JESUS WAS SUPERMAN !!
Stuck, much of the early church controversies that produced schisms were due to claims such as this. The various sides and heretics fought over whether Christ was entirely human, entirely God, both, had super powers or was capable of being tempted, could he sin, blah, blah, blah.
The eastern roman empire church held several councils to determine a universal (catholic) creed. It is from the many councils and schisms over question such as yours that we get the Nicene creed prayer which confesses the universally accepted doctrine.
See? Now y’all have gone all egghead about it and rurned the discussion. Shit, the first time on TBP where there was a thread where I fuckin knew something about it and y’all change the subject.
I hope Hulk comes and kicks all y’all’s asses.
Haha, im just fucking with you stucky.
Even when i was young i loved reading about the roman/greek gods and goddesses and various mythology (even when i started studying latin) and there is no better or closer example of modern mythology than comic/super heroes. Superpowered but flawed.
I used to like superman a ton when i was really little but when i went to catholic school even real young i saw the bullshit and a correlation to superman being “too powerful” and messianic bc he literally had no faults, turned me off. Made it too unbelievable and then there was batman who was just a human hanging with all the superpowered ones. Thats when i really started to follow batman and flash. And then punisher (another tactician with no powers), deadpool and wolverine (liked the idea of a healing factor).
Overall BvS was a little disappointing but the parts that are good are really fuqn good. The 29% is more because of stupid nerds complaining about stupid shit and the movie not living up to the ludicrous hype that it was never gonna meet.
A few things i know pretty darn well and can argue/discuss with friedns literally for hours, cars, firearms, prowrestling from my childhood, zombie planning and comics.
At least a few of those things translate into somewhat marketable skills (hopefully not the zombie planning).
Saw it last weekend. It’s a little hard to follow, but essentially D.C. comics is trying to exercise their superhero franchise much as Marvel has done. Seems to me most of the bad pub for the movie was generated by the Marvel camp because they don’t want D.C. to gain a foothold.
There’s also a nearly-naked bathtub scene with Amy Adams, if any of you are fans.
I’d rate the movie about a B-, only because it’s a little confusing. That Kryptonite is a bitch.
harry p. says: there is no better or closer example of modern mythology than comic/super heroes. Superpowered but flawed.
I don’t know if it was Vonnegut who said to take a perfect hero and put him through the worst experiences. It was Stan Lee who decided to make his heroes human with personal issues.
Now we’ve gone full circle with life imitating art. Real life heroes such as Kanye show off their personal flaws and so we dare to show off our own failings. This was a big no-no in the past when a man kept his sensitive feminine side hidden.
Hulk is supposedly indestructible, perhaps able to live forever. Superman? Don’t think so. Hulk would wear him down over time.
Maybe Superman could encase Hulk in something he could not break free of. But otherwise, Hulk is in it for the long game, and Superman is Toast!
In 1959, when I was 10, these comic books were entertaining.
Unfortunately, Hollywood has absolutely no ideas. 95% of today’s movies lack a plot, story line, content (except for car chases and violence). It’s so pathetic, they have stooped to comic book characters.
At 67, this doesn’t entertain me.
Definately worth the watch. Here is the best 3 minutes & 13 seconds of computer animation that you will ever find on this weighty topic:
Still not 5% as frightening as a true TBP shit-throwing comment-fest, tho.
Well, fuck, cant want to believe that I am posting to some mythological bs.
First off sooperman came from a planet where people didnt fly. I suspect then that it was a supermassive planet whose gravity was much more than Earfs.
Now, have you ever seen what happens to a deep sea creature when pulled to the surface? It disintegrates.
And so would stuperman.
Kill Bill
You shut you face!! It’s NOT myth! Not when MILLIONS of people believe in Superman. Superman lives in my heart. That alone makes him real. That’s how these things work, you fucken heathen Blasphemer.
O. And if he was so compacted by gravity of his home planet he would sink like a hot stone thru butter right to the center of Earf.
You are done stuperman. You cant fly and you suck for lying about it.
There. I am done.
Stuck you shit tossing skidmark.
Love you man.
Ok, OK, so maybe Supie might could beat Hulk….in a butt kissin contest. AHAHA
How ’bout a little of that Stucky you big Superman fan?
another character that could beat superman (actually defeat the entire Justice League)
Amazo (an android) that can copy the powers of anything
Stucky: Superman’s awesome! I got a man-crush on him! He can go back in time! He’s invincible!
And yet…
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Cyclops could fry Supe’s ass. Case closed.