Time is the Fire By Which We Burn

By Doug “Uncola” Lynn via TheBurningPlatform.com

 

…Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time.
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle.
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

– Shakespeare, William (1606).  “Macbeth”, Act 5, scene 5

 

In that passage of Shakespeare’s “Macbeth”, the protagonist turned antagonist swallows hopelessness and nihilism like an opiate. He does so for this reason: If life is meaningless, then so, too, are regret and guilt. It’s also been said that quote represented Shakespeare’s own view of theater – as all the drama was meant to invoke emotional responses from the audience after a suspension of disbelief had occurred.

In so many ways does the inevitable unfurl like a divine comedy; or a Shakespearean tragedy.  Even now as the tin-foil hat-wearing conspiracy theorists and fake news propagandists in the Mainstream Media, along with their comrades in The Resistance, tear at their clothing and gnash their teeth in the wake of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s gigantic nothing-burger.

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ALIEN 1: We’re from Outer Space. We’re here to help.

By Doug “Uncola” Lynn via TheBurningPlatform.com

If I were to provide you with a factual summary involving outer space aliens, WikiLeaks, an Apollo 14 astronaut who was the sixth man to walk on the Moon, a guitarist from a Grammy-nominated rock group, a former Democratic campaign chief and presidential chief of staff, several U.S. Presidents, Area 51, the Vatican, and Jimmy Kimmel, would I have your attention? Good.  Now, sit back and fasten your seat belts. This will be quite the ride.

What has become known as the Podesta Files were revealed on Wednesday, October 12, 2016 when Wikileaks released 7,000 e-mails sent and received by John Podesta, then the Campaign Chairman for Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton.  Within the information dump, correspondence was discovered from former Apollo astronaut, Edgar Mitchell, who cited an “impending space war and the Vatican’s knowledge of alien life”.

Also referred to in the e-mails as Mitchell’s “Catholic colleague”, was a lady by the name of Terri Mansfield, a self-proclaimed Director of the ETI (Extraterrestrial Intelligence) Peace Task Force who, according to her website, considers the “contiguous universe ETI” to be “nonviolent, obedient to God, and superior to all celestials in our universe” .  Evidently, the ETI Peace Task Force believes extraterrestrial intelligence has evolved to the point of being one-hundred percent obedient to God, with a desire for justice and a steadfast commitment to non-violence:

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Sunday Q.O.T.D. —— Superman vs. Batman

There’s a new Superman vs. Batman movie out. I’m torn as to whether or not I should see it.

Question #1:  HOW in the fuck does Batman beat Superman?

Question #2:  Is there any Superhero who can beat Superman in hand to hand combat?  (No fucken’ Kryptonite allowed!)

Every Friday when I got my pitiful allowance I would go to the corner mom&pop store and buy my 12 cent Superman comic book. I loved that guy.  Here’s some shit Superman can do.

1)- Fuck bullets.  Superman can survive multiple lighting bolts … and then bullshit about it!! (He also survives nuclear bombs.)

 

2)-  Superman’s concentrated vision can melt your fat ass in just seconds!

 

3)- Superman can survive in outer space … and smash the fuck outta meteors.

 

Superman is so fast he can break the time barrier.  I’m guessing he could duck Batman’s punches.

 

Superman’s blow jobs will fuuuck you up.

 

Here are Batman’s super powers.

OH, ….. WAIT ………

Fuck off, Dark Knight. You’re a pussy. A Darkie fraud. A Democrat, no doubt. A pretender with a cape. Blow me.

Maybe that’s why the movie only gets 29% on rottentomatoes.


Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex

Have you ever wondered what sex must have been like for Superman? Bullshit! YES, you have! Surely you have imagined Louis Lane giving Superman a blowjob …. and then wondered if Superman’s ejaculation would have shot right through Ms. Lane’s pretty little head! Well, if you haven’t wondered … you do now!

 

Fantastic Four’s “The Thing” has it even worse. He looks like a turd rolled in peanuts. In the first Fantastic Four movie The Thing has a romantic interest with a blind woman … because, you know, a blind woman would never be able to figure out, “Hey, my hubby is rock hard because he has a stone dick!”. I suspect she would find something amiss when his irregularly-shaped rocky-plated pecker chafed her vaginny in a medically unsound and terrifying fashion. Next time she’ll just jack him off. At least she’ll get a free handful of gravel.

Anyway, I know we have a fair amount of SciFi fans here. In previous posts from days gone by a few mentioned admiration for Larry Niven. He wrote one of my most favorite sci-fi books of all time, “The Mote In God’s Eye”. Anyway, from wiki …….

 “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex” is a 1969 essay in which science fiction author Larry Niven details the problems that Superman would face in sexual intercourse and reproducing with “a human woman designated LL for convenience,” using arguments based on humorous reconciliation between physics, biology, and the abilities of Kryptonians as presented in Superman comic books.”

 Try to enjoy the diversion. Hey … at least this isn’t nearly as bad as my man-who-fucks-horses article.

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