Summer Song

Guest Post by Hardscrabble Farmer

When I came downstairs just before dawn my son was in the kitchen making final preparations for his departure. I helped him carry out the last of his things, tucking a few bottles of syrup behind the driver’s seat next to the bags of potatoes, onions and the cooler filled with meat. The two of us stood together in the cool air and watched as the golden glow of sunlight appeared in the east transforming the barnyard into something magical. Down in the front pasture we could hear one of the calves calling and the herd lowing in response. There was a column of blue vapor rising from the surface of the trout pond and so we agreed without speaking to walk together one last time, down the hill, quietly, side by side long shadows cast behind us.

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When we first moved up here I bought four bred cows from a farmer in Springfield and he delivered them to us in a stock trailer. I didn’t know a thing about cattle back then, had never heard of Simmental or Hereford except in some story I may have read but we were excited to finally be farmers and looked forward to raising our own livestock and one day eating thick steaks right off the grill that came from animals we’d raised ourselves. Every herd has a dominant animal, a boss and in matriarchal systems like cow herds, she sets the tone for the behavior of all the others.

A flighty boss is a problem and a calm one is a blessing and the only black cow in the herd, a cross between a Black Angus and a White Faced Hereford called a Piebald was our new leader. The kids named her Midnight and I took to her right away. She loved to have her head rubbed and to be talked to in calm tones and every year she threw a healthy calf for us, each one a full White Face Hereford without a hint of her Black Angus coat showing. She was calm with us, but rode herd on the other cows, especially when we’d feed out bales in the Winter and this May she gave us a nice little bull calf that thrived from the get-go. Whenever I had to move the herd, she was the first in line and the easiest cow we have ever owned in every way. You can get 20 years out of a good cow but we never knew her real age so we had to guess at it based on her teeth and her general health and we figured her for something close to ten or so when she arrived.

Last December she got the scours and though we tested for bacteria and parasites it came up inconclusive and eventually she regained her strength and put the weight back on to where she was able to calve without a hitch in the Spring. A few weeks back I noticed that she wasn’t herself and had resumed her weight loss from the same kind of thing she’d had last Winter. I consulted with our vet by phone and he was his usual taciturn self when he told me that other than to keep her apart from the others- none of them had shown any sign of whatever it was that she was going through- and feed her a dry feed for a couple of days in the hopes that it was something she’d gotten into, like bracken ferns or poke weed and it would work itself out. “They get old, you know.” he told me and I thanked him for his advice. So we isolated her and her calf and kept an eye on them as the Summer wound down and she slowly but surely failed.

Way back when we lived in New Jersey we’d kept a garden, a small one in the same spot where my Grandfather had raised his tomatoes and peppers. We never did a lot, but we tried new things and every once in a while we’d stumble across something that excelled. One year I planted some sweet potato vines along the rock wall that bordered the driveway facing south and when the first frost killed off the leaves I pulled up the tubers from the rich composted loam I’d back filled the wall with and surprised everyone with beautiful and delicious sweet potatoes the size of turkeys.

My father has a photograph stuck to the front of his refrigerator of himself cradling one in his arms like a baby, a big grin on his face. Looking back I wonder if it was that kind of thing that gave me the idea of going back to an agrarian lifestyle, the ability to make things grow that could feed my family and bring smiles to the people I loved. It wasn’t until much later that I discovered that it was the particular mix of the soil, the placement of the vines in a terraced wall that absorbed the heat of the Sun, the lack of pests that had never had that particular species to predate upon before, and any number of other factors that had nothing to do with me or my limited skill sets at that time that brought about that little miracle. In all the years since I’ve never produced anything like that crop, at least intentionally.

When we first moved to the farm it had been fallow for the past sixty years, the soils depleted, the ground stony and completely lacking fertility. We set about putting in a garden and the first year as ambitious as we were and as much time as we put in we were met with very little in the way of reward. Colorado potato bugs went through my crop of Kennebecs, russets and Kerr pinks like an army. I tried picking them off and when I fed a coffee can full of the insects to the tank full of tilapia we were raising I killed off half of them, poisoned by the solanine that had accumulated in the bugs from eating the leaves of the nightshade.

For four more years I tried potatoes in different parts of the garden, in raised beds and in standing compost piles with little luck as each years the potato bugs came back to destroy the crop before it set. I finally gave up and took to bartering with a friend down the road who had figured it out and until this year we planted other crops. The interns asked me about planting potatoes and I told them the story of how I’d seen a guy a long time ago raise them in stacks of old tires filling them with soil until the leaves emerged and then stacking on another and filling it, repeating the move until the column was six or seven tires tall. he called them radial potatoes and at the end of the season he’d knock it over and reap a bumper crop, no digging necessary.

They asked if they could do it and I agreed to let them give it a shot, but we were at least a month behind the typical planting start and by the time they headed back to college the stack was only one tire tall and they considered the experiment a failure. A couple of weeks after they departed for Ohio I noticed that the leaves were as healthy as any I’d ever seen and I carefully added a second tire to each plot and back filled the inner area with composted manure only to have the new sprouts poke through within a matter of days. And still, not one sign of beetles. In our failure to plant in a timely fashion as dictated by the gardening guides we’d skipped past the life cycles of the pests that had plagued us for years and finally gotten our first good crop, thanks to the interns.

On the side table behind the desk where I write is a small framed photograph of my oldest son when he was four years old walking beside me. My wife took the photograph from behind and in that snapshot she captured the two of us strolling together in sync, our arms and legs in matching cadence as we marched across the parking lot towards the entrance of Story Book Land. His head is inclined in my direction and you can tell we are talking about something although I can’t remember what, but I am listening to him, head tilted towards his, long shadows trailing behind us.

It’s been there so long that I almost never notice it, but when I do it stops me flat every single time and I am carried back to that moment as if it just happened, the way it felt to be a father of someone so young with everything still ahead of him. I will be forever grateful to my wife for catching that moment in time so that I will never forget it. I’m not sure why I placed it where I did, maybe another of those instinctual tics that we all have, putting the past behind us as we move forward.

They say that the human eye can see more shades of green than any other color in the spectrum. There are varying theories on why this is- to help pick out patterns where predators lurk, because our diet is made up of so much plant matter, and because green is in the center of the visual spectrum and diurnal animals are exposed to more sunlight allowing for this. Whatever the reason the truth remains, as in all things, if we pay close attention.

There was an animated discussion recently regarding the tendency of people to see patterns where none exist and while the majority of people might believe this, the longer I have lived and the more I have experienced the more certain I become that the primary reason for our obsession with these various patterns is that they do exist; numeric, artistic, spiritual, cultural. Waves crash onto the shore in threes, the Fibonacci sequence is built into everything from the embryo to the shape of the galaxies, seasons repeat endlessly, generations are born, grow and fade away, one after another, each one a variation of the one before it. When my son and I got to the bottom of the big pasture we sat for a while on the rock wall and looked back up at the farm, the buildings barn red and trimmed in white, the cattle grazing contentedly in the tall grass, the dogs chasing each other without a sound along the treeline.

I pointed out to him a singular sugar maple that we’d both seen a thousand times and asked him what he thought of it, it’s perfect symmetry forming a wineglass shape against the sky, emerging from a massive granite boulder. “It looks healthy but you can tell it’s about to turn.” he said, indicating the reddish cast of the leaves. I told him to look at it again and see if he could make out what I’d only noticed a few months ago myself. We both looked for a while and it finally became apparent that it wasn’t a lone maple, but a perfectly matched pair, one on either side of the boulder and that the two of them had grown in such complete harmony and unity that they had become two perfect halves of a whole mimicking the shape of a textbook specimen.

There was only the slightest differentiation between the color of the leaves and where the boulder emerged you could clearly make out the dual trunks, one on either side in the dark shadows beneath the canopy. They were clearly the same approximate age and had rooted in the perfect spot, just above a natural spring on the hillside, firmly anchored on the rocky ledge and grown together over a century or more until they had imperceptibly become one. We finally stood back up and retraced our path up the hill and before he climbed into his car we stood there and hugged each other good-bye, his body larger and stronger than my own, but feeling to me like that little boy in the photograph behind my desk. We did the hand shake/drive safe/call when you get in doxology we always do and both of us smiled broadly at each other as he drove down the lane, his hand extended in a wave the entire way, my gnarled fingers splayed wide, waving back.

After my wife and the children had gone off to do the things they had to do that morning I retrieved my rifle and pocketed a few rounds from the ammo box and headed out to the pole barn. The Piebald was laying down, her head laid out in front of her in a way cows never do and I sat down next to her for a little while and stroked her head and told her what a good girl she was. The last of the flies were landing on her flank and she sighed a few times and opened her eyes to look at me, then closed them again while I sat there and sighed a little myself. After a bit I dug deep and did what I had been hoping that I wouldn’t have to do for so many days now. I was glad that my son had gotten off before it came to this, and maybe that’s the reason I’d waited and I hoped that it hadn’t caused her any more discomfort than it had and when I was certain that she was gone I went back to the barn to the rifle up on it’s pegs and to start up the tractor to move her, one last time.

There are patterns, cycles, comings and goings that continue whether we want to see them or not and some of them are profound and others not so much, but they are always there beneath everything we see and everything we do, holding the world up for us without thanks, without need because that is its purpose and has always been. Sometimes, if we are lucky, if we look back or look up we occasionally catch a glimpse of it, that perfect world in all it’s ineffable and heartbreaking splendor.

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31 Comments
Gloriously Deplorable Paul
Gloriously Deplorable Paul
September 6, 2017 1:13 pm

As always- so much truth and meaning here.
The father/son illustration so moving to me, having just lost my dad.
Thanks HSF.

surfaddict
surfaddict
September 6, 2017 1:44 pm

That was some good shit

Marc
Marc
September 6, 2017 1:51 pm

As sad and uplifting as your story was It made me feel proud to be a son and a father and to have the love for the earth that you share so sweetly. There is so much world conflict here on TBP that your essays are like coming over a hill to an expansive vista of trees, water and wildlife. A place to lay down and remember what is truly important in this life.
Thank you

james the deplorable wanderer
james the deplorable wanderer
September 6, 2017 2:15 pm

Once again a man stands up, gives thanks for what he has and goes out and does what has to be done.
Life, in a short essay, full of wisdom, experience and humanity. May it continue to bless you with treasures.

Zarathustra
Zarathustra
September 6, 2017 2:38 pm

Good night, John Boy.

Uncola
Uncola
September 6, 2017 2:46 pm

That was beautiful. I have performed similar doxologies which, for me, serve as constant reminders to embrace all of life, bitter and sweet. There were times when I failed at both; yet even these were all at once forgiven, and made new again, by the reach of little hands for mine while walking together; and with waves goodbye. Memories are moments, even still. Patterns are everywhere.

Francis Marion
Francis Marion
September 6, 2017 2:56 pm

HSF,

As I read this I began to think about my son and what lies ahead of him. I keep thinking about his place in time and I worry for him. He can’t avoid the stage in the cycle that he is in. I had hoped when he was younger and I started to recognize where we were in history that it would be my generation that would have to shoulder the burden of this turning. Sadly, I’m not sure any generation gets to sit this one out and I am afraid that his will bear the brunt of it.

Time drags and his marches forward. I see a collision coming. Round and round we go. Thanks for writing.

Rdawg
Rdawg
  Francis Marion
September 6, 2017 4:48 pm

My thoughts exactly with regards to my own young son. I don’t really worry about what may happen to me in the turbulent times that seem destined to come our way, except as those events may affect my ability to protect and prepare him.

kokoda - AZEK (Deck Boards) doesn't stand behind its product
kokoda - AZEK (Deck Boards) doesn't stand behind its product
September 6, 2017 4:39 pm

You should have called Dr. Jan Pol on your cow.

TACOTACO
TACOTACO
September 6, 2017 5:29 pm

A great essay. You have touched on the coming of age theme in more ways than one. The syncopation of life and death, of young and old, of father and son, of man and animal, etc. You truly have a gift of prose song, so much that it is poetry. Thank you!

Ragnar
Ragnar
September 6, 2017 5:43 pm

Sitting here after a long day at the key board, wrestling with the organizational chart and more conference calls about hurricanes than I can even count, thank goodness this is how I closed the day. HSF, you made feel human and connected to the earth again, as usual a simply exceptional piece of work. You have a gift, thank you for sharing it. It may be age or it may be the fact all the kids are in college or already graduated, but this late summer feels very different from all those that have preceded it. The acorns are falling steady and large, but despite bouts of excitement about the coming bow season, this time it just feels oddly different and somewhat foreboding. The state of our politics, our country, our world and my stage in life, constantly whisper to me that a major reckoning is at hand. As they say on GOT, “winter is coming” and I am certain it is a winter we soon won’t forget, no matte how hard we try.

Robert Gore
Robert Gore
September 6, 2017 7:18 pm

Poignant and very good. Thanks.

suzanna
suzanna
  Robert Gore
September 7, 2017 10:40 pm

Poignant indeed…and I was just about to say it.

HSF, you do have a gift for description. I can see and even
feel the happening. I can see the trees and the mist and feel
the emotion.
Sad about your lovely cow. And good that you waited even
if Midnight did have to wait for you. The boy was gone, and
the memory he has is a fine goodbye, not tears of loss. You
are a thoughtful Dad. And we appreciate you tremendously.

DaBirds (Si vis pacem para bellum)
DaBirds (Si vis pacem para bellum)
September 6, 2017 7:51 pm

HSF, your writing as always is “the secret chord, that David played”.

Thank you

Overthecliff
Overthecliff
September 6, 2017 7:55 pm

Somebody made a personal attack on HSF a few days ago. Why would you do that to a good and thoughtful man? Always peaceful stuff..

Anonymous
Anonymous
September 6, 2017 10:19 pm

HSF,
Thank you for taking the time to give of yourself.

Billah's wife
Billah's wife
September 6, 2017 11:20 pm

Oh mah gawd Hardscrabble. This quota quota article is true ter yer gawd dammed nome de plume. It reads like eatin uh omelet with uh bunch uh random shit throwed in. Some psycho mushrooms here, half uh twinky there, and the eggs taste like they was mixed with turd. All the maple syrup behind yer sons backseat wont make this omelet tasty. It’s hardscrabbled, and it’s the most ramblin nonsensical monkey butthole sniffin piece uh donkey dookey I ever had the misfortune ter read about 3 lines of til I got so gawd dammed board I started cleanin all the caked vomit off mah kitchen table. Where’d yer son go anyways, and what is that stinky overly self conscious beaner callin his self these days?

Purplefrog
Purplefrog
  Billah's wife
September 7, 2017 4:34 am

Huh?

Greg
Greg
September 6, 2017 11:54 pm

Stupendous HSF

Llpoh
Llpoh
September 7, 2017 6:41 am

HSF – of all the people you would ever meet in your lifetime, my father was the least likely you would ever think would be an avid gardener. As he aged, he became a gardener par excellence. I never would have believed it. His vegetable garden was a modern wonder. He grew everything, and it all thrived. It was unbelievable, especially given he was a cantankerous old coot, evem when young. To say he was wild is an epic understatement, and his type are largely going extinct these days.

To see him potter around in a garden and produce enormous bounty was a revelation. It was short lived, as he deteriorated quickly from Alzheimers, but in those few years of gardening I think he found a measure of peace that had eluded him previously..

deborah harvey
deborah harvey
September 7, 2017 10:39 am

hsf, please block ‘billah’s wife’.
disturbed the peace i received from your writing, and i really need tranquillity now.
thanks.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  deborah harvey
September 7, 2017 11:28 am

Take a hike DebHar. Billah’s Wife is a TBP treasure (should be buried) while you are a lurker that has never contributed much of anything worthwhile. If you want peace and tranquility, try sucking on your car’s exhaust for a few minutes, should work like a charm.

Mercy Otis Warren
Mercy Otis Warren
September 7, 2017 2:30 pm

Parts of this article remind me of the age old dichotomy between fortune and virtue; that is between the things we can not control and the things that are directed by us. We can do everything right, give the last possible degree of effort, prepare ourselves in every conceivable way in whatever it may be that we are doing at any given time (virtu). And all of this is good, but we will never cover all of our bases. There are always variables that we will not foresee and that will either knock us on our backside or provide an unmerited windfall (fortuna). Often times the difference between a sour disposition and a peaceful one is how we address these unknown factors and how we respond to them once they appear. Do we scorn the unknown variable that knocks us down; do we take credit for bountiful gifts that had nothing to do with us? Or do we embrace the mystery of it and maybe learn a little from the experience and give credit where credit is due? If the former, life becomes sisyphean. If the latter, it becomes tolerable and perhaps beautiful even. I guess the hope is that we have enough virtue to recognize fortune. Fine essay, HSF.

Gabrielle Manigault
Gabrielle Manigault
September 7, 2017 4:58 pm

You made me cry too! I’m a rancher in Wyoming and I hear you. Once in a rare while there comes a cow/horse/dog, that is unforgettable.

suzanna
suzanna
  Gabrielle Manigault
September 7, 2017 10:55 pm

And likely we want to replace them. I had a telepathic Dobe
that I will continue to look for. I don’t care that no one really
believes me. I’ll bet you might though. Welcome. Come again.

Suzanna

Bostonbob
Bostonbob
September 7, 2017 6:01 pm

Just when I didn’t think stories and writing could not get any better ( I do not think anyone’s writing is better). You may have picked out one of the best of and least heard Satchmo songs ever recorded. I am truly amazed how you pull everything together although you have often explained how it works.
Thank you,
Bob.