Heisman Winner Proves If You Work Hard And Believe In Yourself, You Too Can Have Journalists Try To Ruin Your Life By Combing Through Your Old Tweets

Via The Babylon Bee

U.S.—Star Oklahoma quarterback and future MLB player Kyler Murray has won the Heisman Trophy and subsequently had his old tweets brought to light, proving once and for all to the nation that if you work hard, put in the effort, and believe in yourself, you too can have journalists try to ruin your life by combing through your Twitter feed.

Youngsters around the country were moved by Murray’s inspiring tale of driving himself toward a singular goal so that journalists could rip him to shreds for words he said when he was 14.

“This is the American dream,” said an ESPN host. “You train for years, you sacrifice your social life, you put in the work, and then agenda-driven reporters with nothing better to do get to smear you for something you said when you weren’t old enough to drive yet.”

“We’re all moved by Murray’s tale,” he added, wiping away tears.

Murray may have accomplished his college football goal, but he’s not finished yet. In an interview, he told reporters that he is now working on becoming a professional baseball star, only to be disgraced after reporters inevitably dig up a bad joke he told in elementary school. “It just goes to show that if you really put yourself out there, you can have the politically correct thought police shatter your reputation in a heartbeat.”

“Kids out there, if you’re listening, stay in school, play hard, and work hard—slimy journalists’ careers depend on it.”

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5 Comments
Anonymous
Anonymous
December 11, 2018 12:44 pm

?

Neuday
Neuday
  Anonymous
December 11, 2018 12:48 pm

He called someone or something gay when he was a kid. If the darkie had raped some girl, that would have been excusable.

YourAverageJoe
YourAverageJoe
December 11, 2018 12:47 pm

Don’t let the media get you down Kyler. They have become the enemy and the day will come when anyone holding a microphone will be capped by a sniper.
You’ve done a great job and earned that Trophy, and I look forward to seeing you defeat Alabama!

Overthecliff
Overthecliff
December 11, 2018 3:55 pm

It’s not enough to be just a nigger anymore. You have to stay on the plantation, boy. You queers don’ take to much satisfaction either because you have to stay on the plantation too. What are you and the niggers gonna do. With the Mohammedans. They are on the plantation too.

Prof. Mandelbrot
Prof. Mandelbrot
  Overthecliff
December 11, 2018 11:07 pm

Overthecliff,
DAMN! Spoken like a true testosterone laden male that really believes in freedom of speech. Or, a misogynist, homophobic, xenophobic rascist. Just depends on which side you are on. The side of a Consitutional republic or a fascist communist dictatorship.