CHICAGO, IL—All charges against Jussie Smollett for faking a hate crime against himself have been dropped after the Empire actor and well-respected employer of Nigerians used the “I have a lot of money” defense in court.
Smollett’s legal team argued that while his alleged crimes were bad, on the other hand, he has a lot of money. The legal strategy is known as the “Chicago Special” to locals. It’s a standard procedure used in Cook County.
“Yes, Mr. Smollett’s behavior does seem to warrant punishment,” his attorney said in a special hearing before a judge. “But you also have to consider the fact that he’s rich. Furthermore, he has money. And also, did I mention that he is absolutely loaded with cold, hard cash?”
“This concludes my arguments,” she said.
The attorney then pulled out a bag of money and tossed it in the general direction of Chicago’s finest judges and prosecutors, who made a mad dive for the cash while Smollett walked out a free man.
“We investigated the Jussie case and all we could find was these bags of cash,” a prosecutor on the case said, shrugging. “That’s enough exonerating evidence for us.”
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Is that magilla gorilla?
Ubiquitous, Mendacious, Polyglottal … and Donkey Balls
Donkey Balls is not going to like you stepping on his toes, Mr. Bunion
Harris has her new campaign slogan:
Let All Black Criminals Go!
Harris 2020
Bah, Trump did it first just cause KimKa asked him.
What a pile of shit and James Earl Ray was just target practicing and it was a stray shot a flyer an accident !
Chicago politics has always had a shadowy pay for play reputation , I guess that settles it !
Imagine the following…
One ringy dingy…two ringy dingies…”Hello?”
“Jussie? Barrack here. Hey, you’re an actor. We need a favor. You meet all the criteria for being able to really help Michelle and me, and there will be a significant financial compensation benefit to you, with no paper trail.”
“What can I do to help the cause?”
“Well, we need you to take a weekend trip to Chicago. I know a lot of people there, and have some major influence. All this shit swirling in the wind with Trump about Russia has some facts underlying it that could derail our plans to retake control of government in our country, and we need to rally all hands on deck.
On your weekend visit to the windy city, a couple of hired people are going to rough you up a bit. You will then work with our media allies, and loudly claim you were a victim of a severe racial hate crime, and blame the MAGA crowd.
Say it was a couple of white hillbillies, and use your acting skills to really sell it, about how you’ve been traumatized.
We’ll get you an interview on Good Morning America with Robyn, put you back in the spotlight, which will definitely land you more roles and red carpet fame in Glittertown and with our people across the country. You up for it?”
“Yeah, I think I can handle it. How much we talkin’?”
“Millions. The cash won’t be a problem. Now, you’re gonna catch some heat from the other side about this, when it comes out. They’ll push their lies, and there will be an investigation, but you’ll come out the other side of this in a much stronger position, financially, politically, and with increased fan base support.
You know, my buddy Rahm runs that town, and there are ways we can use to cover your ass on this, if it ever goes south. But, we don’t see that happening. We even have people in the DA’s office with power to cover our tracks.”
“OK. When?”
“We’ll plan it for January or February, when it’s cold. Tap into the emotions that way. Use a couple props, like a noose and some other bodily threat, like urine or gasoline, to sell the racial bigotry and threat of white supremacy homosexual bias that we know runs rampant across the United States. It will look like a vicious hate crime.”
“Sounds good. I’m in. I’ll catch up with you and Michelle on the other side, after it all blows over.”
“Great. And one more thing. Even if this somehow does blow up and your acting career is damaged, I can always offer you a position in government, in a low key position, but where the compensation will be more than adequate.
Don’t forget; we’ve got old baggy eyes Georgie, and quite a few others, with deep pockets, who can provide the resources to you, however it shakes out.
Good Luck, and thanks for your skills and willingness to go to the front lines, in our battle with Trump.
Once he’s gone, and our people are in, the plan for our control will be much further along, and we’ll reap the rewards of power, gained by any means necessary. YOU are a true patriot. To hell with them racist MAGA folk. In the meantime, I’ll get ahold of Rahm, and clue him in. Wait until you see the acting job he’s gonna do, to distract the idiots. He knows how to manipulate the narrative, to make it look like he runs with integrity. And, he also has final say over the cops in Chicago. Even our blood brothers, some of whom may publicly try to smear you on this. Don’t worry about it. After a little bit of pain, it’ll be all pleasure when we’re back in charge. Talk to you later.”
Smollett has nudes of Obamma and himself. Not to mention Obammas Husband Michael.
You are probably correct in that behind the scenes summary. However, I’ve decided to not watch that show any more.
Have decided to live first person.
All damn day with this crap song in my mind. Thanks.
By the way, if you have never danced in the bed of a two-tone Ford beside a campfire, it might be worth adding to the bucket list.
DD Disclaimer: I probably need to revisit the section on parentheticals versus brackets versus italics for emphasis but to be quite honest with you noobes either you speak the lingo I speak or you do not. If you do not, thumb me down and move along.
P.S. for the maroon and the moran too, if reading this… (cue Brian Reagan’s “are you still reading these directions?” is below if I can find it … as step 2 of PopTart directions because “1. Open Package” seems redundant enough.”)
To the original topic of satire too close to truth to dismiss, Actors on television or the Actors on any “national” stage [Reading, Writing and Arithmetic somehow evolved into Gender Studies for Toddlers] or even Actors at the head of the classroom pouring their version of knowledge into your children are what Shakespeare might have been talking about in that one story he wrote about back in the olden days when actors had to actually perform well enough in person to entice people to get their ass off the couch and come and pay them money to perform one of life’s tragedies to cheer them up.
Now we pay our Actors large sums of money to show us not only their dirty laundry but we buy their corruption in daily doses for our families and communities.
[Anyone who asks you to look at their face on a screen and believe what they are saying to you cue lights camera and action carefully planned by people who study every nuance of what it takes to make you suspend disbelief and be willing to put your money on what they are saying because they have your best interest at heart is lying. A good editor might cut that whole inner garbage… “Anyone who asks you to look at their face on a screen and believe what they are saying … is lying.” The inner garbage just explains why it is true.]
Now, I shall exit stage left before I discover I violated the shutting up clause as well as the not being bitchy for Lent commitment. And you shut up too, preacher man. I just found out what that fire and brimstone pulpit pounder I grew up listening to meant when he said you are either in the fire, or just out of the fire or getting ready to wade back in.
Hey… I did have a really profound profundity today while at my morning prayers for the big lumberjacklooking dude and the rest of you stms I could tolerate maybe if the shit was hitting the fan anyway and I needed good turd tossers. Even if I had to keep an eye on one or two of them.
As soon as you accept credit for virtue you acquire debt for vanity. That is the result of editing, hacking and wordsmithing something CS Lewis said about crediting oneself for virtue when it is really just a matter of temperament and constitution. I invented the quotable quote in italics. At least I think I did.
an actual hanging is in order for this scum bag.
In my last poli-sci seminar, I described what is known in the department as the ‘big mistake’. In the current instant, we have a perfect example of something I mentioned last time – gays are obsessively politically involved, John Kennedy Toole was not kidding, the fact you see Smollett everywhere is not unusual, it’s that he is identifiable. The others may be gay too.
Even Rahm Emanuel said this was a serious breach of justice and it was apparent that the law worked for some and not others. Funny thing – it works for those with money more often than not.
Yeah I’m positive he was really outraged…that the bail money they KEPT! was only $10K.
What a fucking laughing stock.
the left is playing both a long game & a short game–
the short game consists of right now! politics,agitation,and constant pressure & resistance–
this prosecutor is a good example of the long game–for several years soros has been funneling $ into local races,especially state atty races–
i’d bet that this state atty is one that he helped get elected–imagine if they had enough of these people around the country that they could commit crimes that benefit their cause/narrative w/only a small chance that they would face serious charges–
A gay, black, Jewish guy? His get out of jail free card is made of Platinum.
Do the Jussie
From The Hustle to The Hammer:
Gosh, this is BS from day one. And the article above buys it. Better question why this has been staged now in the way it unfolds. Average people are constantly mocked and made uneasy this way, I wonder if this will go on forever, or if a purge is being prepared.
This is what is called tit for tat, Trump gets a pass, therefore, some deviant interloper who is actually guilty, gets a pass.
It is a psyop on the public, designed to enrage the right and pacify the left.
I can imagine this deviant will get some payback, cops remember, this kid will get either caught in a DUI or some other “gotcha” event, and they will arrest on Friday night, to ensure he does a full weekend in the pokey, until a judge can arraign him. And the next time, there will be no free pass.
He is damaged goods, he will never be back on Fox TV, that is for sure,
I doubt he does much more in the acting, unless you call gay porn “acting”.
Lovely satire,but I know of court cases where the bags of money were not thrown down in the court house ,but handed over at a late night dinner,hookers thrown in as a bonus.Cheers Crippsy.
Like the odor of obama and raul emanual is not heavy in the air. fucking queers.