AUSTIN, TX—After years of fighting lame California politicians who want to lock everyone in their homes so they can’t go to space or build cool stuff, Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced he was moving to a land flowing with milk and honey called Texas. Almost immediately after the move, he announced a new product the whole world has been waiting for: the Tesla AR-15.
“Um… h-howdy, I think,” said Elon, expertly taking on the local dialect. “Y’all want a Tesla AR-15? You got it, partner!”
The new firearm will look similar to a standard AR-15 but will in fact be a battery-powered railgun capable of firing 3 million rounds per minute. It will also feature a fingerprint sensor, Bluetooth capability, heat-seeking ammunition, and a chainsaw bayonet, to name a few.
“We really wanted to re-think self-defense,” said Musk. “This new firearm will be the go-to rifle for our SpaceX volunteers when they encounter hostile aliens. It’s also a celebration of the Second Amendment. If any federal authorities try to confiscate it, the rifle will automatically connect to the internet and file a lawsuit for you!”
The Federal Government has requested that Tesla at least remove the AI-powered “self-driving” feature on the firearm before selling it.
It is my sincere desire to provide readers of this site with the best unbiased information available, and a forum where it can be discussed openly, as our Founders intended. But it is not easy nor inexpensive to do so, especially when those who wish to prevent us from making the truth known, attack us without mercy on all fronts on a daily basis. So each time you visit the site, I would ask that you consider the value that you receive and have received from The Burning Platform and the community of which you are a vital part. I can't do it all alone, and I need your help and support to keep it alive. Please consider contributing an amount commensurate to the value that you receive from this site and community, or even by becoming a sustaining supporter through periodic contributions. [Burning Platform LLC - PO Box 1520 Kulpsville, PA 19443] or Paypal
-----------------------------------------------------
To donate via Stripe, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------
Use promo code ILMF2, and save up to 66% on all MyPillow purchases. (The Burning Platform benefits when you use this promo code.)
There seems to be more money in the ammo and components than the firearm itself. Why doesn’t good old Elon get into supplying the ammo and all the components for the same at a reasonable price. He most likely would or could control the market at that point.
I’m waiting for the self service bar option while autodrive is engaged. Nothing quite like arriving at your party destination freshly lit up, while there’s always the option for the car to both explode and light everyone up while inside…
So Exciting!!!
I’ll take two at my earliest lottery winning…
Fire too many rounds and the whole thing explodes and catches fire, sending burning shrapnel into the laps of nearby observers (Corvalis, Oregon recent accident).
It would burst into flames on the first shot and the trigger guard would lock down on your finger and hold you in place while your hand burned off.
That would only happen on “full auto.”
Lone Skum is the biggest grifter of all time, and his fanbois are delusional. Remember how GM and Chrysler went tits up in the last recession? Tesla will be the first to bite the dust this time. The clock is ticking, Elon. Building toys for the wannabe rich is no way to go through life, son.
The similarities of Musk and Zorg (Fifth Element)
are astonishing:
BOOM… Was thinking the exact same thing… LOL
I cant say I ever cared for Musk, but to quote Dr. Evil, “Your stock is going up #2”.
You need something to slow the influx of Californians. A fence to keep them out would take too long. Escape from LA. That movie was prophetic. I have never seen so many Ca. license plates as I have lately.
With a few upgrades, it’ll make a nice addition to most Hunters tool kit. I want a mounted Quad model for the back of my pick-up for when the Urban Jungle Useful Idiots go Hot around these parts.
I saw a guy on Fox Business this morning saying that more than a few of the ahole CEOs in the Silicon Valley have purchased homes around Austin and are planning on big moves in the near future. Time for Texas to consider splitting up. These folks are NOT going to be a positive for the state other than money….but money that will be used to purchase more tyranny.
Sounds like a whole lot of folks making the effort to voice an opinion about a satirical article in context with reality is f***king strange.