Guest post by Robert Gore at Straight Line Logic
In a remote location outside Washington D.C., a group of the nation’s most powerful political, business, and medical leaders sat at a large table in a super-secret, super-secure conference room.
“We’ve discovered a new COVID variant,” Dr. Rachel Kielbasa, head of the Center for Disease Commerce, announced. “Over a hundred cases in Texas within the last month, forty-four cases in Florida the last two weeks.”
The people around the conference room smiled. A new variant out of Texas and Florida was a good thing. It would show those yahoos.
“So why all this secrecy and rigamarole, what’s another variant?” Albert Moola asked. He was the CEO of Liezer, a giant pharmaceutical concern.
“Liezer’s vaccine drops to zero effectiveness in two days,” Kielbasa responded.
“So people will need a new booster every two days. That’s a lot of shots, but with adequate funding from the government, I’m sure Liezer can rise to the challenge. For the good of the country, of course.”
“And the good of Liezer,” Speaker of House of Representatives Nanny Pelfosi said. Her tone was bitingly sarcastic, but she was bitingly sarcastic about everything. She was actually delighted, she owned a ton of Liezer stock.
“I’m afraid this isn’t as auspicious as it sounds, for Liezer or the rest of us,” Kielbasa said. “We know the current vaccine drops to zero effectiveness because the variant virus essentially eats it all up. It not only resists, it obliterates your vaccine, Albert, and every other vaccine now on the market. After two days we can’t find a drop of vaccine, and the spike proteins that the vaccines are supposed to make the recipient produce are gone, too. Everything is just gone.”
“But we’re counting on those vaccines to make people sick, so we can blame it on COVID and give them more vaccines to make ’em sicker, kill ’em!” shrieked Camela Sparus, Vice President of the United States.
“I assume Bill Negates has been notified?” Pelfosi said.
“He was our first call,” Kielbasa said. “He’s pledged five billion to find a vaccine. He said his contribution would have been ten billion, but his divorce has left him a little short. He’s personally supervising the effort, says there’s no time to spare. He sends his regards. Of course everyone else is going to kick in on this. They have to.” There was no mistaking the urgency in her voice. “There’s more bad news.”
“What could be worse than this?” Sparus shrieked.
“The variant appears to have no adverse effects at all. In fact, it wipes out every other COVID variant. Patients have even said that it leaves them feeling happier and more confident. ”
Moola whistled “It leaves them healthier and happier?”
“Yes.”
“This is intolerable!” Sparus shrieked. “I will not tolerate it!”
“How contagious is it?” Moola asked.
“It’s the most contagious variant yet.”
“So this will spread like wildfire, knocking out other variants, making people healthier, happier, and essentially unvaccinated. My god! Have you been able to isolate the variant?”
“We have.” Kielbasa dimmed the lights and used her laptop computer to put an electron microscope image on a screen, an indistinct speck.
“Can you increase the magnification?”
Kielbasa repeatedly hit a button on her computer and the speck grew larger and larger, until it almost filled the screen. At that size, it appeared that the virus’s spike proteins formed a pattern on the surface of the virus, a smiley face. There was a long, uncomfortable silence. Kielbasa turned off her computer and turned on the lights.
“What are you calling this variant?”
“The upsilon variant.”
A little man jumped up from his seat, Dr. Antonio Ouchy, the Director of the National Institute of Adverse and Ineffective Drugs. “Are you crazy?” he shouted. He hurried over to a white board and picked up a red marker. He wrote Upsilon on the board. “What do you think the press is going to make of this when they get ahold of it?” He wrote Oopsilon on the board. “Did any of you think about the optics here? Does anybody in your outfit have a functioning brain cell, Kielbasa?”
“The press isn’t going to say a word about this until we have a vaccine.” Pelfosi said sternly. “Jen, there will be no problem with the regular media.”
“Of course not, Ms. Speaker, they’ll do as they’re told.” Jen Pschloki, the White House press secretary answered. “I don’t think anyone will be so foolish as to ask questions, but they’ll get circled back if they do.”
“What about social media, Mark, they’ll do likewise?”
“Certainly,” Mark Yuck said. He was the CEO of Wastebook, a social networking company. While there were billions of “friends” on his network, he had no non-virtual friends. His smug too-perfectness and weird haircut provoked a visceral desire among his many enemies to punch his teacher’s pet face. “We see a peep about this and whoever posts it will be deplatformed so fast their head will swim. The other big platforms will be on board. The problem is those darn websites and bloggers. You knock one out and two more spring up to take their place. Ms. Pelfosi, after this meeting I’d like to talk to you about legislation to get rid of these disruptive elements. I guarantee you’ll have the full support of Silicon Valley.”
“We’ll address the problem. An emergency like this always gives us opportunities and we won’t let them go to waste.”
“Nan, we’re going to need a lot more than Negates’s $5 billion, that’s a drop in the bucket,” Dr. Ouchy said. “This requires an all-out effort, the equivalent of war. You’ve got to get emergency legislation and big-time funding—I’m talking trillions—through Congress and pronto! We need a vaccine now, and not like the wishy-washy ones we already have. It has to eradicate this Upsilon variant completely, wipe it out!”
“Any ideas on how I sell a vaccine for a virus that leaves people healthier, Tony?”
“Perception management,” Senator Chuck Wormer interjected. “We’ve got to rework the vaccinated-unvaccinated division we’ve done so well with. The trick is to make health and happiness seem like abnormal conditions that pose a threat to the rest of us. Someone else’s good mood can kill you. Enlist everyone—if you see something, say something. And because this Upsilon variant is so dangerous and contagious, we have to separate those who get it from everyone else.”
“The camps.” Pelfosi smiled.
“Exactly. We’ve been waiting a long time for this.”
“There’s a problem with that,” Dr. Ouchy said. “Before long people are going to notice that the ones in the camps aren’t sick or dying, that they’re healthy. Because this virus is so contagious we won’t be able to get people into the camps fast enough and the health of the general population will improve too. I think this requires more stringent measures . . . until we get a vaccine, of course.”
“The Population Control Project!” Vice President Sparus cackled.
Wormer said, “We’ve always known there would come a time when to protect people, to show our concern for them, we’d have to eliminate them. That time has arrived.”
“Talk about tough sells,” Moola said.
“We’ll stop calling diseased people ‘people’,” Dr. Ouchy said. “We’ll call them carriers, or better yet, vectors. We kill mosquitos that carry malaria and rats that carry plague because they’re disease vectors. This is no different—humans are vectors. Who’s going to worry about vectors?”
“There may be protests, but it’s for the good of the country,” Pelfosi said. “Anyone who objects is being selfish, placing their own interest before the public interest.”
“You can’t make a filet mignon without breaking eggs!” exclaimed the President of the United States.
His Vice President glanced at him. “Looks like it’s time for somebody’s sedative and nap.”
This story is fictional. Any similarity between its characters and actual people is intentional.
And in a super-super-secret, super-super-secure conference room sat the real people running this psyop.
Loved this one, hilarious in a morbid way.
Like Alice in Wonderland only closer to the truth. Liezer….LOL!
Thanks Robert, I needed some humor this morning.
I’m hanging in there until the Zulu variant gets here. By that time it will be blamed on Martians.
The Barsoomians are commies too?
Jeez, is everybody stupid?
Well a little on/off topic. But in response to the ZH post on leaving Americans behind in Afghanistan, I wrote and sent this to my smallish email group… Chip
I have been to Afghanistan (Bagram, flew in and out on a C-17). I did preliminary designs, cost estimates, and programing documents for airfield improvements there when I was on active duty in 2003-2004 working for USCENTCOM and CENTAF. I thought I was a patriot. Having rejoined the military following 9/11 abandoning my own start up small business. This f’ing communist Joe Biden does not deserve to lick my toe jam. This has nothing to do with politics. If you think there is any difference between D and R then you are sadly misinformed, and subject to “normalcy bias”. Most of us here were lucky enough to have grown up in one of the most prosperous countries and prosperous eras of that country in world history. That in itself could give anyone (including many of our uniformed friends) “normalcy bias”. The actions of this administration, the governmental agencies including the DOJ, FBI, and CIA in the previous administration, including the blatantly stolen election, prove beyond all reasonable doubt that our government has been severely compromised at various levels. Not to mention the current covid health scare which is huge beyond any of our wildest imaginations. Our government no longer supports “we the people”. Instead, it seeks to be our ruler. Perhaps as part of a larger global “reset”. I have this to say about that. There once was a King far far away that wanted to rule over us 250 years ago. Now there is one closer and on this continent, and perhaps connected to others around the globe. I don’t pretend to know what all the evil forces are behind what is going on. But it is surely evil. God bless us all my friends. We are entering a very dark time indeed. This is what prompted me to write this missive to my friends, first via email to those I know, and now to the second closest group of people that I know on this earth, you, here, the readers of TBP. I was trained to never leave anyone behind. That we fought for freedom for those that could not fight. Now it seems we are too cowardly to fight for our own freedom and those whom I thought I was defending for the last three decades. My oath to the constitution still stands. I’ve taken it probably more than a half dozen times. And I’ve given it to others as a leader in both the military and civil service more times than I can count. This message below is from a current freedom loving fighting man. I don’t pretend to know if it is true. It was posted on ZH. But it certainly dovetails with what I am observing in this shit storm we’ve been witnessing for the past two years…
“We are fucking abandoning American citizens,” said an Army colonel assigned to the 82nd Airborne Division in an encrypted Sunday text message to Michael Yon, who revealed the message to Just the News.
Yon told Just the News that a group of Americans were abandoned at the Kabul airport, pleading for help as military officials told them they were finished with evacuations.
“We had them out there waving their passport screaming, ‘I’m American,'” Yon said Tuesday while appearing on the John Solomon Reports podcast. -Just The News
“People were turned away from the gate by our own Army,” said Yon, the former Special Forces soldier and war correspondent.
Were they Americans, or were they Hyphen-Americans? Big difference.
Dumb Americans.
Imagine if aliens seeded the Earth with semiconductor tech some seventy years ago, and have been guiding us into building the mechanism for our enslavement/destruction. Or possibly to clear the planet of a dangerous infection. It would look the same as what we’re seeing today.
That seems to make as much sense as anything coming from TPTB these days. If they believe they can do this to a world wide civilization and somehow maintain a comfortable existence for themselves, they are beyond delusional.
Roswell was a Smallpox blanket?
Technically speaking. (Pun intended)
The Voltarian Central Information Agency (CIA) have always been delusional… and incompetent, which is why they are referred to as “Drunks”.
Must watch video
Dr McCullough is a world renowned authority on COVID and editor-in-chief of two major medical journals. He discusses how most deaths are due to CDC refusing to permit pre-hospital treatment, which would keep most people out of the hospital. He also discusses how the “vaccines” don’t prevent infection but do cause major problems. Recorded at the Andrews University Village Church, Berrien Springs, MI, August 20, 2021
Funny article …. because it’s true.
The next variant is here! Moo! Mooooo!!! I mean, “Mu”.
“World Health Organization says it is monitoring new Colombian COVID variant called ‘Mu’ amid fears it may be vaccine-resistant as Delta infections finally slow in US”
Run for your lives!!!!!!!
.
.
.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-9947327/WHO-warns-potentially-vaccine-resistant-Mu-variant-originated-Colombia.html
In other very very depressing news ….. only 14% (!!!) of Americans say they won’t take the shot if mandates kick in.
And a whopping 68% will vaccinate their child when it’s approved for their age group.
This is a nation of dumbfuk sheep.
.
.
.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9947423/Opposition-vaccines-crumbling-just-fifth-adults-say-wont-shot.html
As sad as it is, when push comes to shove I think we would be lucky if 5% firmly hold the line when their employment is truly being threatened. I estimated that a while back to myself using the Pareto principle (hat tip to Doug Uncola): 20% will initially say no to the vaccine, but, of those, only 20% will actually go all the way with their opposition and will stand strong. So we would be at 4%.
Even at 4% that’s a few million folks who are more than likely well armed . Even if only .5% of the 80 million gun owners refused the jab that is 400,000 folks again who are well armed .
If things got ugly I’d assume the other 3.5 % would join in .
There is still a difference between losing your job and having to fight down people at your door. We are not there yet. Although, it is true, once people lose everything, they lose it. I think these are times we need to stay cool and try to be wise.
Count me and mine among the 4%… Chip
Stupidity vectors.
You can still top that:
Stucky, tell us how many pregnant women would take it!
How about health care workers? Are they still holding out?
Try not to believe everything, as this whole thing is a giant propaganda play.
If they keep telling everyone that the majority want to be vaccinated, then they think the hold outs will say, oh well I might as well just give in. When the entire time the number is far, far lower than reality.
Yes, I think on a national level, the number is lower than they say. Although, in our circle of acquaintances (cannot call some of them friends any more), I can count on two hands the people that are unjabbed, and that includes us. And I know maybe 50 people that have told me proudly to have done “the right thing”…. (shake head). So there is the informal Svarga Loka poll of 50:10, but then again, this is Massachusetts…
BINGO! Chip
Why are all these virtue signaling fuques, and fuques is too kind by half, not in absolute hysterics over all the disease ridden and verified huge numbers of Covid cases plus TB, every imaginable STD and VD, and previously “eliminated” childhood diseases pouring over the border?
When the shitheads stop droning children “by mistake”in Kabul and deal with importing 50,000 Covid cases every month, they can talk to me about their witches brew. Until then Bugger Off!
Polls are fake.
You believe polls Stuck? Polls are released to lead the sheep… Chip
Remember that this “reporting” is from the daily mail though. Just as biased as the rest of the communist media outlets.
I’m just waiting on the folks that say we need mandatory vaccinations, by force if necessary, to step up to the plate going door to door and aid those that will enforce the mandate.
For those folks I’ll let them look at my Springfield camera, smile and wait for the flash…it has 14 flashes .
I think that is a BIG line in the sand for many of us… Chip
If you get to take 14 pictures.
If it comes to that, some will just make a phone call and watch the local news about a missing SWAT team and windows blown out for a 1/2 mile radius.
Speaking of variants, Geert Vanden Bosche (who’s raised the risks of vaccinating with “leaky” vaccines during a pandemic) recently overcame his normally staid nature and wrote a blistering condemnation of one of his critics – breast surgeon David Gorski, who fancies himself the new Amazing Randi, on a quest to slap down any non-authorized thoughts on Covid. Not being an immunologist or virologist, I don’t comprehend everything Vanden Bosche is saying, but he makes it pretty clear that Gorski is way out of his element. Perhaps Gorski should leave immunology to others and run some ads for “Cool Sculpting”. I hear there’s a lot of money in that.
I haven’t enjoyed a bitch-slapping so much since Matt Taibbi roasted Tom Friedman 15 years ago.
https://www.geertvandenbossche.org/post/response-to-attacks-from-dr-david-gorski
This may be just a bit of lighthearted fiction but I assure you that it is not to far from the truth. Soon you will see diseases coming out of the wall that will require more and more vaccines and boosters. It is actually becoming a bit comical like something out of the “Lighterside” of ‘Mad Magazine. I think that people are really beginning to question the sanity of our leaders around the world. The Masters of the Universe are really beginning to overplay their hand. I’ll see your five and raise you ten!
Reminds me of the Kids in the Hall story of Gleemonex
In my best Rod Serling voice…
The story you have just read is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the writer from paying out thousands of dollars to a ((Scheister)) in lawfare.
Gosh, I hope I made the names close enough to the real ones that readers know who they are.
Ya done good Robert.
Thank you, sir.
Mad cow disease from the Pfizer vaccine:
Great talk by Dr. Peter McCullough. If you don’t have time for all of it, just watch the last 15 minutes.
His message in a nutshell: “Be unbreakable!”
Fortunately, that imagined problem is already being solved.
Pfizer Is Now Developing A Twice-Per-Day COVID Pill That Must Be Taken Alongside Vaccines
https://ussanews.com/News1/2021/08/29/breaking-germany-stops-all-vaccines-theyre-unsafe-and-no-longer-recommended/
https://brandnewtube.com/watch/16-year-old-son-d-ed-3-days-after-getting-covid-vaccine_D34UlbzJcoP8a5w.html
“Germany stops all vaccines [for 2 weeks]”
is probably fake
It was a planned hypothetical event live streamed on youtube, where people that are on our side played politicians, health care agencies and other stakeholders and pretended that the Covid pandemic was exposed and those that were responsible are being put to justice. Think of it as the opposite of Event 201. A conglomerate of those that see what is going on and formed a think tank. But it is not real. Yet.
Wife asked me to sell the portfolio of pharma and biotech stocks… she sleeps better, but me, ahh, little did I (we) know
Here it is Robert. Your oopsilon variant. You thought therefore you did.
It just doesn’t get loonier.
Constellations? Immune escape? Didn’t you write a satire about a Middle Eastern formula the whole world wanted? This one is foolproof or proof of fools why believe it.
WHO Places ‘Mu Variant’ Under Close Scrutiny Over Fears Of Vaccine Resistance
teaser image
“The Mu variant has a constellation of mutations that indicate potential properties of immune escape,”
https://www.zerohedge.com/covid-19/who-places-mu-variant-under-close-scrutiny-over-fears-vaccine-resistance
If you need hazmat to clean up a vaccine spill what does that tell you?
The Empire never ever forgives any of the unfaithful. Some good comments.
How the huge cash cow of the Afghan debacle will be maintained will be interesting.
“Have to keep the dope trade going for the good of the country, so people won’t starve.”
Science sees even thoughts as viruses. The meme theory. Religions are viruses. Dawkins. There is no
God, just information spreading like a virus. Humans are viruses too, “The earth got humans” is the slogan of the green movement. The Earth is not for the people, as the Bible teaches. The materialistic/pantheistic movement has potential for any atrocity.
Frikkin’ brilliant work here. Now that’s how satire should be done. I think Robert Gore shadow writes for the Babylon Bee perchance?
I posted on this thread yesterday and it went to spam, so I will just say it again….
I love the smell of satire in the morning.
Thank you, Robert
Reminds me of the response to the Happiness Bug in the movie “What’s So Bad About Feeling Good?“
It makes me wonder if people will wake up and just say no to all this stupid crap. Or if this mandatory vax talk will become an increasing reality and make life more miserable for everyone?
That was a little scary, Robert Gore.
I’ve cued this to start at a point I believe you will like… it is JC’s discussion of a world that made sense before the world went wrong. Within three minutes, he discusses how isolated we’ve become since programming became a science instead of a means to inform and entertain.
That’s my paraphrasology, but I think he’d agree with my concise assessment.
Good little story, but it it too realistic to be funny.
https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1136331993?t=00h40m38s
I am waiting for the Sigma Alpha Epsilon variant and then I’ll get the shot. Dean Wormer said that if we don’t get the shot he is putting the whole fraternity on probation……