ATLANTA, GA—With Rittenhouse found “not guilty”, media outlets across the country are preparing for costly defamation lawsuits after a year of calling him a white supremacist.
With CNN already half-owned by Nick Sandmann, the famous fake news organization will soon be giving the other half of its ownership over to Kyle Rittenhouse. The two have agreed to share joint custody.
“We would like to announce that our clients have come to an agreement to share custody of CNN,” said Sandman and Rittenhouse’s legal teams. “Sandmann will have custody on weekdays, with custody transferring over to Rittenhouse on holidays and weekends.”
After the announcement, Rittenhouse began weeping upon realizing he was now a multimillionaire, while Sandmann smirked like a big MAGA hat-wearing jerkface.
Neither party has decided what to do with Brian Stelter, who may have to be put up for adoption.
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Getting tired of wading through these Bee articles. I guess I’m just too serious or maybe there are other issues of greater import.
C’mon man, it’s good to laugh a little.
Here’s a secret. Don’t fucking read them. They say Babylon Bee at the top. Jeezus!!!
Jesus-much more than a curse word, He is King of Kings and Lord of Lord’s and soon returning Ruler to this Planet!!!
Calling it a planet denotes the biblical version of a flat,round earth. Fixed immovable, with a dome firmament of water above. Please do your biblical research and stop being a Roman’s :13 follower.
5 possibilities for heaven and 5 headed to Hell.
Relax. Staying uptight is only going to result in a heart attack. RELAX I SAID !
Wow.
Someone is on a roll with the down votes.
3-3!
Considering that the ‘Bee is actually more factual than CNN, I can understand the confusion it must cause.
Babylon Bee stories, like conspiracy theories, should now be considered spoiler alerts.
Only some of them. This one is not going to happen because both kids are smart enough to not take custody of a loser like CNN. Like the song says, they will “take the money and run”.
Please, please, please Kyle, due everybody for everything!!!!!!!
George Zimmerman ain’t getting squat.
I read that Kyle will have a hard time collecting $$ from these lawsuits. The media made him a public figure and a public figure is not able to sue. Any truth to this?
Yes and no. Many are liable for actual libel, defamation etc. The ones that said stuff like “I don’t like this little a-hole” are probably safe. The bitch on MSNBC who called him a murderous White supremacist after the verdict is in trouble. Why? Because there is an absolute legal definition of murder, which the court ruled he did not commit.
Alan Dershowitz wants in on the lawsuits and says he is going to kick their asses big time, largely because they were knowingly telling lies.
Does anybody think the press was really unable to discover he was from there and most of his family lived there? That he worked in Kenosha? That they couldn’t find out the gun was kept in Wisconsin, not Illinois? I knew that a couple of days after the riot. Of course, people come to TBP and Warroom, Gateway Pundit etc. because these are places people want to know what happened, not what the Commieass shithead’s propaganda fantasy line is.
no.
They may try to make him a public figure, but they will not succeed. He is destined to become a multi-millionaire without a single moment at another trial.
Audie Murphy remakes, first the prequel. If sandmann could get rid of the sh!t eatin grin, he’d make a great Vulcan.
.—FIRST– let’s smack Biden’s sh-t eatin’ smile off his face and then proceed to water-board the cackle group of Harris , Pelosi, Waters, AOC and then put a broom handle up the a** of CNN’s Stelter to stop his pig-squirt grin…….
We see so many massive harm lawsuits being settled for pittance compared to the harm caused to massive numbers of folks. It would be wonderful to see some of these huge companies handed over to the victims, but then again, the massive wealth these victims are due is more a result of the criminal behavior of the company, so how would they get properly compensated if the victims ran the company with integrity.
The opposite would obviously be the case with owning CNN in that a restoration of REAL and TRUTHFUL news would vastly improve their bottom line (though obviously shifting the demographic). When not one of their programs ever gets more than 1,000,000 viewers. I can only imagine how a news network that did a better job than Fox at covering the news (wouldn’t take much) could do in this country these days.
CNN has new owners, some group headed by John Malone. He intends to fire all the pundits like Lemon and Cuomo and go back to the days when they were just 24 hour news.
News, or “news?”
“News” has always been curated and edited for propaganda value. There never has been an innocent press. They are political tools. They have to be.
Rittenhouse should quit all public appearances. I saw a bit of the Tucker interview and didn’t see anything problematic, but Merrick Garland will bring federal civil rights charges if there’s any way he can. The DOJ will have unlimited assets and can’t be sued. Plus the slightest bit of passing cockiness could affect a civil jury’s willingness to award him money for defamation.
Exactly,Iska.