Fauci Says He Never Locked Anything Down And Has Never Heard Of COVID

Babylon Bee

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a testy exchange with an interviewer for Meet the Press last week, Dr. Anthony Fauci claimed he never locked down schools and hasn’t even heard of COVID.

“COVID? I’ve never even heard of such a thing! What is COVID? That sounds made up!” said the former NIAID Director and COVID advisor to the President. “And I certainly had nothing to do with locking down schools and destroying kids’ learning and development for over a year. What kind of monster would do something like that? You must have me confused with someone else.”

The interviewer then nervously checked his notes to make sure he was, indeed talking to Anthony Fauci, the chief architect of U.S. COVID policies. “But it says here that–”

“Shut up!” cried Fauci as he smacked the notes out of the interviewer’s hands. “I’ll ask the questions here! I AM SCIENCE!”

Sources say the doctor further denied any involvement in business closures, Wuhan lab coverups, or the field of medicine altogether. At publishing time, former President Trump had claimed to have no idea who Fauci was.

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11 Comments
Anonymous
Anonymous
  Administrator
April 27, 2023 12:41 pm

2023:
We’ll still force you to take the kill shots if you want a fresh kidney. Otherwise, kiss your seven children goodbye.

AKJOHN
AKJOHN
  Administrator
April 27, 2023 7:59 pm

I’ze one. Never knowed I am da Seance.

World War Zero
World War Zero
April 27, 2023 2:00 pm

Leave him twisting from a hemp rope inside the US Capitol dome for a year as a reminder for proper gubs oversight. After due process, of course.

BabbleOnB
BabbleOnB
April 27, 2023 2:13 pm

Who is Fauci? Never heard of him.

Euddie
Euddie
April 27, 2023 3:08 pm

Faochie in True lies:

B_MC
B_MC
April 27, 2023 4:09 pm

Not the Babylon Bee….

Trudeau Lies

The Canadian prime minister claims that his government never forced COVID-19 vaccinations.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is stealing a page from George Orwell’s Ministry of Truth.

During a discussion with German President Frank-Walter Steinmeier at the University of Ottawa on Monday, Trudeau said that his government did not force anyone to get vaccinated.

“While not forcing anyone to get vaccinated, I chose to make sure all the incentives and all the protections were there to encourage Canadians to get vaccinated,” Trudeau said.

Trudeau’s claims caused an uproar on Twitter, as many people pointed out that Canada had some of the strictest COVID-19 vaccine mandates in the world.

Trudeau Lies

k31
k31
  B_MC
April 27, 2023 4:54 pm

Was anyone held down against their will?

Anonymous
Anonymous
April 27, 2023 4:20 pm

I wouldn’t believe that motherfucker if he said “good morning” to me.

BL
BL
April 27, 2023 7:19 pm

He didn’t forget to give .gov his bank account number to receive his big fat pension payments after he got away with mass murder and closed up half of American small business. Frauchi is PROOF that crime pays bigly.