Tag: Cats

Via Knuckledraggin

Via Lonely Libertarian

The picture above looks like my cat Cookie, also known as the cat with the string hanging out of her ass, saved by the murdering veterinarian. As a side note, the District Attorney is going to seek the death penalty against the veterinarian. I like to think of it as putting him to sleep.

But, back to my dumbass cat. Is Cookie stupid enough to eat a cactus? Maybe.

Is Cookie dumb enough to get trapped in a bird cage by a parakeet? Probably.

But I know she is dumb enough to get trapped inside a wall. I came home from work last night to an empty house. Everyone was off doing something. My one cat – Smokey – was in the kitchen looking for dinner. I opened a can of cat food and put it on a paper plate. Smokey went to town, but Cookie was nowhere to be found. I thought it was odd but figured she was sleeping under a bed.

Avalon arrived home after dropping Mikey off at Boy Scouts. I said that Cookie didn’t come down to eat. She said Ut Oh. It seems Avalon can’t handle the cats. Every time she walks into the storage area in the basement she allows Smokey to dash into this off limits area. Smokey then proceeds to make his way up into the drop ceiling, making Avalon’s life a living hell. Her solution this time was to leave the door open, hoping Smokey would eventually exit on his own. He eventually did. Great plan Avalon!!!

One small problem. My dumbass cat – Cookie- who is so dumb she eats fishing line, must have ventured into the storage area. What happened next is anyone’s guess. All I know is that while we were looking for Cookie, we heard a faint meow coming from somewhere. Avalon was pushing back ceiling tiles, but no cat. We heard the meow again. Avalon said she thinks it was from inside the wall. I said WTF!!! and few more choice adjectives. As I unleashed a torrent of expletives we came to the conclusion that the dumbass was trapped behind the drywall with no chance of escape. It was like an Edgar Allan Poe short story. At least I didn’t have to call the fire department.

I continued to curse my ass off as I went to get my dry wall knife so I could cut a hole into the drywall I just paid thousands of dollars to have repaired from our flood. I cut a small square and after calling the dumbass for 10 minutes she eventually arrived at the hole and sauntered out.

I put the piece of drywall back into place, but I won’t be sealing it up. I pushed a filing cabinet in front of the spot. I just have a feeling I will need to access that hole again someday.

The door to the garage wasn’t shut tight on Friday. The two cats took advantage and got into the garage to have some feline fun. They were in the garage for less than 20 minutes. Evidently, fun for Cookie meant consuming a one foot long piece of fishing line that was laying on the garage floor. We did not know she had consumed the fishing line until Sunday morning. I was upstairs trying to finish my Casey article when Avalon yelled that she needed my help. I said with what? She said there was a six inch long piece of string hanging out of Cookie’s butt. My initial urge was to grab on and keep pulling. Avalon wouldn’t let me do that.

She insisted we call the vet. Of course he agreed with Avalon. Dollar signs were flashing before his eyes. Nothing like an emergency weekend appointment with a vet. They kept her overnight and she eventually shit out the rest of the fishing line. Sadly, there wasn’t a flounder on the other end of the line. For the one night stay, some anti-biotic medicine that she spits out, and an emergency Sunday visit, I paid $220. I think my yank the string plan would have been just as effective and a lot cheaper.

Now you know why I need you to click that Google button. The money leaves quicker than it comes in, because I’m surrounded by dumbass cats. Plus, I think they are out to get me.