Tag: Home Alone

Soros-Backed District Attorney Prosecutes Illinois Boy For Terrorizing Burglars

Via The Babylon Bee

GROVELAND, IL – Pierce County’s District Attorney has opened prosecution against an eight-year-old boy who reportedly terrorized two burglars robbing his parents’ mansion.

The young boy by the name of Kevin McAllister was apparently home alone when the perpetrators attempted to sneak into the estate. McAllister sprang into action with a series of ingenious attacks, including blowtorches, paint cans, and a tarantula.

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Trump Appoints Old Pal Kevin McCallister As New DHS Secretary

Via The Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After the resignation of Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen, President Trump was quick to appoint a replacement: 10-year-old Kevin McCallister.

“This kid knows how to defend a home,” Trump told the press, referring to two incidents when the child was stranded without his parents and had to defend himself from burglars with a series of makeshift traps. During the second time, when McCallister found himself alone in the city of New York, Trump met the child and quickly became friends with him after hearing how he hit a burglar in the face with a paint can.

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