Every morning in the smaller dining room, I put my hand on the raggedy old chair — the chair that Hardscrabble Farmer sat in — and I say, “Hi Munchkin! I love you and miss you so much. But, I’m happy for you, because I know you are surrounded by peace, joy, and love. Mind if I read you a poem?” And then I read her the poem below (haven’t yet read it to her without crying …. sometimes tears of sadness, but also of joy), and then I close with, “Smile on me, Munchkin. If you can … blow me a kiss. I’m sure I’ll feel it. I love you.”
I’m sharing this with you because it has meant SO MUCH to me. And who among our little TBP Tribe has not suffered the loss of a deeply loved one? I hope this brings you the comfortable peace it has brought me!
Oh … one more thing. Something phenomenal happened today. So much so that I can not yet write about it. Blew my mind. I’m still processing it. I’ll possibly write about it on Feb 4th, the one month anniversary of Maureen’s trip to The Great Beyond.
On Tuesday I spent four hours at my parent’s place doing housework and running errands. While I was gone, shit hit the fan.
Ms Freud, a breast cancer survivor, has issues with high blood pressure. It comes, and it goes. On Tuesday, her nose just started bleeding spontaneously. A while later she got dizzy. Then she could hardly stand.
So, she called 9-1-1. No one came … or they didn’t come quick enough … or the dispatch operator determined Ms Freud’s issue wasn’t serious enough. I don’t know the actual story. But Ms Freud started to panic. She couldn’t get a hold of me, or her worthless son. So, she made several 9-1-1 calls.
I arrived to the house only to see two ambulances and three cop cars out front. Panicking, I run into the house as fast as I can. There’s Ms Freud, standing. That’s a relief. I ask, to no one in particular, “What the hell is going on??”
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I showed Ms Freud the Irma Hurricane headline … and about those incredibly high wind speeds … and if it keeps up and hits the USA it will be perhaps worse than anything ever before it, blah blah blah.
And she says; “I really think this is a sign of the end times.”
I am NOT bullshitting you! She said the same thing about Henry. And, Sandy. And Katrina.She says it when she sees the Kneegrows going apeshit. Or, when she sees war footage of the Middle East. She read the Super Volcano thread from a couple days ago, and said the same thing. Said it was in the Bible. Again, not bullshitting. I think I hear the-end-is-near at least twice a day. It can be triggered by anything.
I’ve calmed down. I will tell you a copfuk story that happened about 9AM this morning. Really, a true story.
I asked Ms Freud to get coffee and bagels at Mara’s — I posted a pic of that Chocolate Explosion cake I ordered for Valentines Day. They have the best coffee in NJ at half the cost of Starbucks, and we do that once per week.
Half hour passes, and she’s not home. I know something is wrong … the joint is only 5 minutes away.
Knock, knock. Who the hell is at my door on a Sunday morning? It’s Mrs. Freud. And, she’s crying. A cop car is just pulling out of our driveway.
Here’s what happened.
She found a parking spot near Mara’s, on the street, not in the parking lot. Gets the coffee. Sees a copfuk car behind her car. Thinks nothing of it. Get’s in her car. Copfuk knocks on her window. Oh, oh.
Ms Freud (MF): “Yes, can I help you?”
Copfuk: “You have a problem!!” Gruffly and authoritatively. From here on out, assume that the entire conversation is confrontational and aggressive.
MF: “What did I do?”
Copfuk: “You’re parked illegally!” Turns out there’s a “yellow line” on the curb … which she did NOT see, because there’s still some FUCKING SNOW covering it up. But, whatever …
MF: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see it. I was only in the store a couple minutes at most to get this coffee.”
Copfuk: “DID I ASK YOU WHAT YOU WERE DOING!!!”Yessiree, really.
Copfuk: “License, registration, and insurance.”
MF: “For illegal parking? OK, here.” She hands him all the documentation.
Copfuk: “You’re driving with a suspended license. I COULD TAKE YOU TO JAIL RIGHT NOW!!”
MF: “You’re kidding. Suspended for what?”
Copfuk: “It says here your insurance lapsed due to nonpayment.”
MF: “What?? That can’t be. My insurance payment is automatically paid by computer every month. And I have a valid insurance card.”
Copfuk: “IF I SAY YOUR LICENSE IS SUSPENDED, THEN IT”S SUSPENDED!! DO YOU WANT TO GO TO JAIL RIGHT NOW OR WOULD YOU RATHER COOPERATE!!!”
MF: “But, I didn’t do anything wrong. I swear it!”
Copfuk: “I know you received a notice from the State regarding your suspension. You should pay your bills!”
Ms. Freud OFTEN says that my “Secret Lover” is The Burning Platform.
So, what better way to confirm that … than to wish her a happy birthday in front of Millions!
You complete my life, sweetheart.
The power of THOUGHT.
Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about others and ourselves. If we want to love someone, we need to consider his or her needs and desires. Thinking about your ideal partner will help you recognise her when you meet her.
The power of RESPECT.
You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect, ask yourself, What do I respect about myself? – To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself, What do I respect about them? –
The power of GIVING.
If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. Before committing to a relationship ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what will you be able to give them. The secret formula of a happy, lifelong, loving relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.
The power of FRIENDSHIP.
To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other”s eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love him or her for who they are and not for what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.
The power of TOUCH.
Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.
The power of LETTING GO.
If you love something, let it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours, if it doesn”t, it never was. Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions. Today I let go of all my fears, the past has no power over me – today is the beginning of a new life.
The power of COMMUNICATION.
When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: I Love You. Never let an opportunity pass to praise someone. Always leave someone you love with a loving word – it could be the last time you see him or her. If you were about to die but could make telephone calls to the people you loved, who would you call, what would you say and .. why are you waiting?
The power of COMMITMENT.
If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the TRUE test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong one.
The power of PASSION.
Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone; it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences. When you felt passionate spontaneity and surprises produce passion. The essence of love and happiness are the same; all we need to do is to live each day with passion.
The power of TRUST.
Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels trapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust him or her completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. One of the ways you can tell whether a person is right for you is to ask yourself. Do I trust them completely and unreservedly? – If the answer is no -, think carefully before making a commitment.
