Tag: Myths

“What is history, but a set of lies agreed upon?”
————– Napoleon Bonaparte (supposedly)

Needing a break from the doom and gloom, I hope this is a fun and educational post. Then again, most people hate if their favorite myth is challenged. So, I expect some “you’re full of shit” responses … as if I care. I didn’t verify the stories. Do your own homework. I’m not providing links. Do your own homework. Besides, maybe only 5% of you click on them anyway. So, let’s get going.

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AMERICAN MYTHS

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GUN FIGHTS WERE COMMON IN THE VIOLENT WILD WEST

We believe this myth because of one reason only; the power of TV to create perceptions. How many murders do you suppose these old western towns saw a year? How about five? That was the most murders any old-west town saw in any one year. Ever. Most towns averaged about 1.5 murders a year, and not all of those were shooting. You were way more likely to be murdered in Baltimore in 2008 than you were in Tombstone in 1881, the year of the famous gunfight at the OK Corral (body count — 3) …. and the town’s most violent year ever.

As for the traditional Western gunfight as depicted in movies, the inaccuracy of handguns at the time would have made quick-drawing skill irrelevant: It was simply so unlikely you’d hit a guy on the first, second or third shot that it didn’t really matter which guy got out his gun first. Forget about “fanning,” rapidly cocking a single-action revolver between rounds like Clint Eastwood does in A Fistful of Dollars. You’d be lucky to hit a henchman if the duel took place in a closet.

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“WAR OF THE WORLDS” – WHEN AMERICANS WENT BAT-SHIT CRAZY

How stupid do we think Americans were back then? Orson Welles’ radio production supposedly plunged millions of Americans into mass hysteria, as frightened listeners overloaded phone lines, fled cities, rushed to warn their loved ones, rioted and even attempted suicide for fear of the alien attack. Life Magazine even ran a photo of a farmer defending his land against the Martians, shotgun in hand. Newspapers happily jumped on reporting the panic in the days and weeks afterward, and even Adolf Hitler commented on the supposed hysteria. Something to the effect of, “An army of futuristic war machines trying to take over the planet.”

The reality? Total bullshit. Life Magazine just had the Mr. Shotgun Guy pose for it. Most of the War of the Worlds freak-out was exactly as fake as that photo. There’s no doubt that SOME people thought the broadcast was real. Radio was still new and a fake news broadcast had literally never been done before.

Reports of people immediately flying into a panic–attempting suicide, hallucinating alien death rays or fleeing to the countryside with guns in hand—were all anecdotal stories told second hand with no names attached. And although the phone lines to the studio were unusually busy that night, mixed in with the people asking for information, were people praising or complaining about a show that seemed like it was clearly designed to create a mass panic. FACT is; people back then would have reacted in exactly the way we would today: flipped to another station, called somebody to ask what was going on, or just looked out the damn window. Why did this myth take hold back then? Same reason 9-11 Truthers exist …. a good portion of the populace thrives on Bullshit.

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“NO IRISH NEED APPLY” SIGNS WERE COMMON.

There is a core of truth to this, but it is exaggerated in collective memory. Yes, Irish Catholics faced discrimination. “No Irish Need Apply” newspaper advertisements existed. Workplace signs were not common, but Irish were effectively barred from “better”occupations and shunted into low-paying factory work and domestic service.

Well know historian Richard Jensen stated in “The Journal of Social History”; —- ““The fact that Irish vividly ‘remember’ NINA signs is a curious historical puzzle. There are no contemporary or retrospective accounts of a specific sign at a specific location. No particular business enterprise is named as a culprit. No historian, archivist, or museum curator has ever located one; no photograph or drawing exists. No other ethnic group complained about being singled out by comparable signs. Only Irish Catholics have reported seeing the sign in America—no Protestant, no Jew, no non-Irish Catholic has reported seeing one.”

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AMERICA BECAME INDEPENDENT ON JULY 4, 1776

Probably not 1 in 1,000 Americans knows the following. The American Revolution raged for another seven years after July 4, 1776. Independence from England was finally granted on September 3, 1783 when Britain’s George III and US leaders signed the Definitive Treaty of Peace.

[Bonus: During the American Revolution, the Continental Congress in 1774 chose Peyton Randolph as the first President. George Washington was actually America’s 15th President, albeit the 1st elected by the people.]

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BUNKER HILL WAS ONE OF THE KEY BATTLES IN THE REVOLUTION

Bunker Hill had no major effect on the Revolution. The battle was small, involving only a few thousand men altogether, the battle didn’t change the war in any particular way or introduce some new way of warfare. The British were about to withdraw from Boston anyhow even before the battle.

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BENEDICT ARNOLD HATED AMERICA

He loved America. His betrayal was tit-got-tat, because he felt America betrayed him first.
He was arguably America’s best general. On numerous occasions he saved America from total defeat. The most notable being the Battle of Saratoga where he disobeyed orders and turned defeat into victory. That victory turned the tide of the war and led France to ally itself with America.

He never received any credit for his achievements. Lies were spread about him throughout the army and scandals erupted. Even George Washington, whom Arnold thought was his friend, abandoned him and gave credit to Arnold’s victory at Saratoga to Horatio Gates, a man who nearly lost the revolution at Saratoga had it not been for Arnold. Arnold was demoted to a small garrison post The sense of complete betrayal and insult angered Arnold, and led him to betray America.

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BEN FRANKLIN FLIES A KITE IN 1752

No. The experiment was done by French scientist Jacques de Romas in 1753. When De Romas asked the Paris Academy of Sciences to acknowledge that he had been the first to successfully complete the experiment, the committee agreed, provided Franklin didn’t provide details demonstrating that he had priority. Franklin was uncharacteristically silent on the subject.

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THERE WERE 13 COLONIES

As settlements were founded, each new city was recognized as its own colony: for example, Connecticut contained 500 distinct “colonies” before they were merged into one in 1661. Sometimes colonies were mashed together into mega-colonies, like the short-lived, super-unpopular Dominion of New England, which incorporated Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New Hampshire and Maine, plus New York and New Jersey for a couple of years. Colonies also split, like Massachusetts, which spawned New Hampshire in 1679. And some colonies weren’t colonies at all: while it’s often listed as one of the

But on to 1775. There weren’t even 13 colonies then. Delaware wasn’t technically a colony or a province. Designated “the Lower Counties on the Delaware,” it had its own assembly but fell under the authority of the governor of Pennsylvania until it declared itself an independent state in August 1776. So technically, there were just 12 colonies in 1775 and 13 states in 1776.

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LIZZIE BORDEN – AMERICA’S FIRST WOMAN AX MURDERER

Do you have to be over 50 to recall this childrens’ poem? — “Lizzie Borden took an ax/ And gave her mother forty whacks / And when she saw what she had done / She gave her father forty-one” — First of all, the father was axed 11 times, mom 19 times. Lizzie was found innocent of the crime after a mere one hour of jury deliberation. Folklore says the rhyme was made up by an anonymous writer as a tune to sell newspapers. Lizzie was relatively well off when she died — $50,000 in the bank in 1927 — but the community ostracized her even after the trial, and only a handful of people showed up at her funeral.

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EVERYONE WAS KILLED AT THE ALAMO

The official Alamo website tries to correct this persistent myth: “It is true that nearly all of the TEXANS UNDER ARMS inside the fort were killed in the March 6, 1836, attack. However, nearly twenty women and children, who experienced the twelve days of siege leading to the final assault, were spared and allowed to return to their homes. The survivors also included Joe, the slave of William B. Travis. The best-known Alamo survivor, Susanna Dickinson, was sent to Gonzales by Santa Anna with a warning to the Texans that the same fate awaited them if they continued their revolt.”

[BONUS: The Americans who died at the Alamo weren’t defending liberty— they were protecting slavery.]

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EDISON INVENTED THE LIGHTBULB

No. It was invented a full 40 years earlier, in 1840, by British Astronomer and Chemist, Warren de la Rue.

Edison was actually a nasty and ruthless little fucker … a Bill Gates type. Edison did not invent many of the things attributed to him. He was very good at stealing, improving, and patenting many ideas before their original inventors were able to. He expended much effort discrediting other inventors in order to gain popularity for his own.

[BONUS: In 1862, at the age of 15, saved the life of a 3 year old boy playing on train tracks … right in the path of a runaway freight car. The boy’s father happened to be the station’s telegraph operator. He was so grateful to Edison that he took him under his wing, and trained him in telegraphy, sparking the inventor’s lifelong love affair with all things electric.]

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WITCHES WERE BURNED IN SALEM

Only in the movies. They were all hanged, except one, who died while being tortured. The wide-spread knowledge of the event is somewhat unusual considering how few died, only 20 (of about 150 who were tried) —- 14 women, and the oft forgotten 6 men.

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WALT DISNEY DREW MICKEY MOUSE

Actually, Walt was a rather poor artist. Mickey was the vision of Disney’s number one animator, Ub Iwerks. He single-handedly animated Mickey’s first short film, Plane Crazy (1928), in only two weeks … a remarkable 700 drawings a day … before computers. However. when sound films began later that year, Walt Disney played Mickey’s voice.

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MYTHS OUTSIDE OF AMERICA

LADY GODIVA RODE NAKED

Zero evidence for this. The myth is that Godiva pleaded with her husband, Leofric, to relieve the heavy burden of taxes he had imposed on the citizens of Coventry. Leofric said he would grant her request if she would ride naked through the town. She agreed but prior to her bare-assing he ordered the people to remain indoors with their windows and doors barred. Loosening her long hair to cover her as a cloak, she mounted her waiting horse. The people obeyed her command because of their respect for her. However, one man did not …. a man called llpoh …. just kidding … his name was ‘Tom’ …. who just couldn’t help peeking at her fine titties …. and, this is the origin of the term “Peeping Tom”.

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NERO FIDDLED WHILE ROME BURNED

Poor Nero … always getting blamed for shit he didn’t do. If anything, he played the lyre — as the violin needed another 1,000 years to be invented. According to Tacitus, upon hearing news of the fire, Nero rushed back to Rome to organize a relief effort, which he paid for from his own funds. After the fire, Nero opened his palaces to provide shelter for the homeless, and arranged for food supplies to be delivered in order to prevent starvation among the survivors. In the wake of the fire, he made a new urban development plan. This wasn’t the first time “Rome burned”. The old city was a perpetual fire hazard of extremely crowded housing build of wood. Houses after the fire were spaced out, built in brick, and faced by porticos on wide roads.

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GALILEO DROPPED OBJECTS OFF THE TOWER OF PISA

Universally discredited by historians. Scientists had been dropping shit from the Tower for as long as 50 years prior to Galileo. The source of this myth is easy to trace. Galileo’s biographer and pupil, Vincenzo Viviani, mentions the experiment in his account of the scientist’s life. The lie has been repeated ad nauseum ever since.

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MYTHS ABOUT VIKINGS

—– Vikings were a nation. No. The Old Norse word víkingr denoted not a nationality, but occupation: a Viking was anyone, from any nationality, who took part in an overseas expedition.

—– Vikings wore horned helmets. Totally false.

—– Vikings’ preferred weapon was a massive double axe. No double-headed axe has ever been found from early medieval Europe. Viking axes were light and used single-handed. The most common weapons found on Viking sites are spears

—– Viking armies were huge. Based on archeological evidence for the size of their boats … 50 or so men … Viking armies numbered in the hundreds, at most.

—– Vikings were exceptionally cruel and bloodthirsty. Vikings were sometimes very violent … BUT they were not substantially different from their contemporaries. For example, at Verden, Charlemagne, ordered the beheading of 4,500 Saxons. Furthermore, plunder was only one among many other goals of their overseas expeditions. Vikings peacefully colonized Iceland, Greenland and many smaller islands. As explorers they crossed the Atlantic and reached America 500 years before Columbus. As international merchants of their time, they also peacefully traded with almost every country of the then known world.

—– Vikings don’t know shit about football. True.

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VAN GOGH SLICED OFF HIS EAR

Partially correct. Van Gogh only sold one painting in his lifetime. He only spent eight years of his life painting. He spent most of his life teaching and dealing art. Van Gough attempted a partnership with the post-impressionist Paul Gauguin. But Van Gogh had a mental breakdown which led to an incident where he threatened Gauguin with a razor blade. Later on that night, while brooding over the attack, van Gogh took the razor blade to his own ear …. but only a portion of his left lobe.

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NAPOLEON WAS A LITTLE SHIT

Napoleon was 5’7” …. actually taller than the average 18th century Froggie. True, Napoleon was called Le Petit Corporal (“The Little Corporal”), but that’s because early in his military career soldiers used it to mock his relatively low rank, not his stature.

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GANDHI LIBERATED INDIA

Partially true. Most historians agree that Indian independence was inevitable. Gandhi was just one of several independence leaders. The Indian National Congress was founded as early as 1885, when he was only 16. Many historians believe that India would have achieved independence sooner if they had focused on the more forceful methods that they had used 50 years earlier, rather than the slow process of Gandhi’s ancient ideals of ahimsa (non-violence.

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MISH MASH POTPOURRI

MAGELLAN CIRCUMNAVIGATED THE WORLD Nope. He only made it halfway. He was killed by natives in the Philippines. His second-in-command, Juan Sebastian Elcano, completed the circumnavigation

Helen of Troy was from Troy. No, she was actually a Spartan, who probably never set foot in Troy.

The Great Wall of China is the only man-made structure that can be seen from space . No, it can’t.

Jesus spoke Hebrew. No record of that. The Bible specifically says he spoke Aramaic. Greek was the secondary language of the region, it was the language of the common version of the Bible used by the Jews at the time, and since the NT teaches that Jesus read from the OT … it is very likely Jesus also spoke Greek.

Amazon women cut off their titties. Hellanicus, some Greek dude, started this rumor. He incorrectly imagined Amazon was derived from the Greek prefix a- (“without”) and mazos, a variant of mastos (“breast”). That’s like saying the word ‘addict’ means a man without a dick …or, dictionary.

Slaves built the pyramids. The number of historians who still believe this is virtually zero. Excavated skeletons show that the pyramid builders were actually Egyptians who were most likely in the permanent employ of the pharaoh. No evidence of Joo builders, either.

Pythagoras discovered the theorem bearing his name. Nope. It was known to the Egyptians and the Babylonians long before he was born

Ancient Greece was a great nation: Ancient Greece is not the name of a nation – it is the name of the region in which up to 1,000 individual cultures lived and worked alongside each other. Each culture had its own rulers, its own armies, its own independence from the others

“Thumbs up” meant a gladiator would live. Quite the opposite … ‘thumb up’ meant kill him! There was no ‘thumb down’ signal. If the thumb was concealed in a fist it meant let him live.

Henry VIII had syphilis. Unlikely. 16th century standard treatment for syphilis was mercury. Lists of money spent on medicines for Henry VIII exist. Mercury is never listed.

Baseball is a true American sport: No. Baseball was derived from “Rounders,” a game played in Ireland since the 15th century, which contains most of the basic elements of modern baseball

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POPULAR SAYINGS NOT IN THE BIBLE
—— A fool and his money are soon parted
—— God helps those who help themselves
—— Cleanliness is next to godliness
—— God works in mysterious ways
—— Spare the rod, spoil the child
—— Money is the root of all evil
—— Moderation in all things
—— Pride goes before a fall
—— Charity begins at home
—— This too shall pass

EVE ATE THE APPLE

No! She ate from the “fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil”. That means it could have been any fruit whatsoever … or not a fruit at all, but more of an allegorical meaning. The most likely origin of the belief has to do with Latin …. the Latin ‘malum’ means BOTH apple or evil. [Apple Story Bonus: Newton was not hit by an apple. The story was first published in an essay by Voltaire, long after Newton’s death]