CHAPEL HILL, NC—Lamenting that he won’t be able to watch the highly anticipated game with his friends, University of North Carolina junior Aaron Wright expressed his frustration Monday that he will be too busy studying for players’ tests to watch the Tar Heels play Villanova for the NCAA National Championship. “Man, I wish I could watch tonight, but there are four different exams I have to prepare for this week,” said Wright, adding that he will only be able to periodically check the game’s score on his phone while cramming all night for senior forward Brice Johnson’s human physiology exam. “I might stream it on my laptop during the second half just to have it on in the background, but I’ll probably be too busy trying to memorize equations for the stats test [small forward] Justin Jackson has on Wednesday to even pay attention to what’s happening. God, this sucks.” At press time, Wright was ignoring a slew of text messages from his roommate about the game while rushing to finish the 12-page European history paper junior guard Kanler Coker has due tomorrow morning.
The basketball games suck. What fuckin’ idiots to pay attention to any of it.