Thousands Of Panicked Terrorists Surrender As Trump Deploys Jack Wilson To Middle East

Via The Babylon Bee

WORLD—Terrorists and other enemies of America, including China, North Korea, and California, all agreed to lay down their arms as Jack Wilson was deployed abroad.

After Wilson, the hero of the recent Texas church shooting, was named the leader of America’s military operations abroad, terrorists immediately surrendered, knowing they had very little chance. Wilson was airdropped in behind enemy lines but didn’t need to fire a single shot.

“We agree to an unconditional surrender, under whatever terms Mr. Wilson sees fit,” said one ISIS leader nervously after turning himself into a grizzled Wilson, brandishing his SIG P229-357 SIG. “Please do not hurt us.” Wilson then moved his hand, and hundreds of surrendering terrorists hit the deck, scrambling for cover. But he was just reaching for a breath mint, and they all breathed a sigh of relief.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un likewise gave up his nuclear program and immediately resigned, agreeing to turn the country into a true democratic republic right away and apologizing for decades of civil rights abuses. “No need to send Mr. Wilson over here,” he said, sweating. “We are complying with all of America’s demands.”

Wilson accepted their surrender, provided they repent, believe the gospel, and are baptized.

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4 Comments
gman
gman
January 2, 2020 3:31 pm
MTD
MTD
January 2, 2020 3:37 pm

Have you paid your dues Jack? Yes sir, the check is in the mail.

niebo
niebo
January 2, 2020 10:41 pm

Am bothered a little bit about this guy having his face and name posted all over everywhere, fakebook, alt-media, on posters, billboards, memes, etc. Seems to me like THEY are making him a target for a future retaliatory “strike”. With a-holes like Bloomberg saying afterwards that “Only cops should have guns” he is giving consent to shooters-in-churches AND to anyone who might/could/maybe get the drop on the guy. I don’t like it. A few years ago, in a suburb south of Nashville, a CCW license holder shot a bank robber who was fleeing a shoot-out with police. All the police spokesman said to the media was something like “Our officers were assisted by a civilian,” and I would never have known exactly what that meant were it not for a friend on the force, who verified that it was a male with a gun . . . but I have no idea what the person’s name is. Or what small town he may or may not live in. Or, for that matter, if he was even a native. And, especially, NOT where he attends church.

Just sayin’

bob
bob
January 3, 2020 9:18 am

Fuckin’ A. Kinda disappointed it was a Sig though. JK. I have a Sig. A .45 ACP 1911.