Researchers Delay Coronavirus Vaccine Until They Figure Out How To Make It Cause Autism

Via The Babylon Bee

U.S.—Scientists across the nation are racing against time to develop a vaccine against the deadly COVID-19 virus. Despite significant progress, researchers have hit a snag. Sources confirm an effective vaccine is ready to mass produce except for one problem: manufacturers have so far been unable to give it the power to cause autism.

“Like any good vaccine, this one needs to give autism to some kids,” said Phil Mipockets, CEO of a major pharmaceutical firm. “I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if we put something on the market that was totally safe and didn’t ruin some people’s lives.”

When the Coronavirus pandemic began spreading around the globe, the vaccine industry rejoiced at the opportunity for another excuse to hurt more children. “We hit a lull recently, since our vaccines basically eradicated polio, smallpox, and many other deadly infectious diseases,” one researcher told sources. “We needed a new reason to pump kids full of harmful toxins.”

“Thanks, Coronavirus,” he added.

Vaccine-makers say it could be early 2021 before they can mass produce an autism-causing shot that meets industry standards.

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8 Comments
MrLiberty
MrLiberty
April 10, 2020 7:07 pm

Best BEE EVER!!!

flash
flash
April 10, 2020 7:36 pm

My niece, the government employee rolls her eyes… gave her infant son every vaccine available and surprise, surprise , he’s severely autistic . Sad fact of the matter is, she’ll be first tin line to get the corona virus. BTW , she’s a militant atheist too. Government is her god. Fools never learn.

SlickWilly
SlickWilly
April 10, 2020 7:56 pm

Anyone who is on the fence about vaccines would be wise to read some case study books. There are many out there. Best case scenario vaccines do as much good as harm.

What really scares me about this Wuhan flu is just how many people cower and believe everything spoon fed to them by the gov and media. Yes it can kill. So can the flu, pneumonia, cancer, cars, swimming pools, and government employees. Why haven’t we had a quarantine/marshal law scenario long ago?

Dan
Dan
  SlickWilly
April 10, 2020 8:39 pm

As a child, I had both types of measles, chicken pox, and mumps. I remember feeling down and achy, but loving my Mom’s chicken soup and extra attention for the 3 or 4 days for each. Lifetime immunity now, which apparently isn’t the case for those vaccinated.

Out of all these, staying away from pregnant females when sick with German measles was the biggest concern.

As I’ve got older, I’ve had the flu vaccine several times yet still got the flu. I certainly understand people who think a vaccination for everything is maybe kind of stupid.

Lebowski
Lebowski
  Dan
April 11, 2020 2:10 am

My doctor, when asked by me if I should take the flu shot answered unequivocally NO

MrLiberty
MrLiberty
April 11, 2020 5:18 pm

It would be a funnier story if the ONLY source of polio infections these days WASN’T the live virus vaccine put out by Bill Gates and company.