Florida Ruled To Be In Violation Of Science For Not Having More People Die

Via The Babylon Bee

TALLAHASSEE, FL—While many governors followed Science and shut down their states early and still have stay-at-home orders in place, Florida kept its beaches open through Spring Break and has already begun its reopening plans. Science says Florida should have seen skyrocketing deaths from COVID-19, but instead Florida — despite its large elderly population — has not seen anywhere near the number of problems faced by states like New York and New Jersey. This has been ruled to be in complete defiance of Science.

“We had good Science telling us Florida should have seen massive deaths,” said far right-wing conservative Washington Post columnist Jennifer Rubin. “And now Florida is undermining our trust in Science by not dying. We cannot tolerate this. More Floridians need to die. To die for Science.”

California Governor and Science believer Gavin Newsom agreed. “Ron DeSantis is a witch! Burn him!” Newsom said about the Florida governor. Experts widely believe DeSantis used something anti-Science — like black magic — to violate what Science said should be true.

There is now a movement by Science-believing Democrats to actively try to infect Floridians to try to get their death count to match projections. Democrats have also called for DeSantis to be put in some sort of Science prison — a cage made using force fields or lasers or other Science things — though it is unknown if that would be able to imprison him, considering his Floridian black magic.

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3 Comments
MrLiberty
MrLiberty
May 24, 2020 5:47 pm

Seriously, how is it that basic physiology and biochemistry are being completely ignored by the masses? More sun equals more vitamin D. Nearly everyone who has died from this virus has been found to be vitamin D deficient (when they bothered testing – which they should have been going on from the beginning). Nearly everyone who has gotten the virus and gotten better quickly, has had normal or elevated vitamin D levels. Blacks, because the melanin blocks the UV radiation needed to produce vitamin D, have notoriously low vitamin D levels, and it only gets worse the farther north of the equator they live (like Seattle, NYC, Detroit, London, etc.).

And yet here we are, two months into this farse, hundreds of published studies later (including dozens specifically documenting the vitamin D issues with Covid 19 patients), and the media continues to hide the truth, the general public remains completely ignorant, and the pandering useless fuck race-baiters in the mainstream media and elsewhere, continue to pretend that all the dead blacks are the result of our “racist” healthcare system, the poor choice blacks have when it comes to food (because the organic and regular produce sections of Walmart are carefully hidden at the very front of every store), and every other bullshit excuse other than notoriously low vitamin D levels that their worthless western doctors ignore and refuse to address. Not that obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, and other co-morbidities are not other problems that plague blacks – because they refuse to address all of them with dietary and lifestyle changes.

Just sick of this shit.

And yes, I get that the Bee is a parody site. Story just got me off the rails a bit.

Steve
Steve
  MrLiberty
May 24, 2020 7:03 pm

Das cus u b raciss n shitt.

DeSantis bothered to take care of the old folks. He didn’t sent Covid infected back to the nursing homes to infect others like the murderers in NY and NJ, etc.

rhs jr
rhs jr
May 24, 2020 9:54 pm

The Racist murderers are the experts saying hydrochloroquine is dangerous and not effective. If you are Black, you should be supporting Trump.