Border Patrol Agents Accused Of Patrolling Border

Via The Babylon Bee

DEL RIO, TX—Americans are outraged after whistleblowers produced credible evidence that the U.S. Border Patrol has been patrolling the U.S. border and doing so with impunity for many years.

“How have we allowed our border to be patrolled unchecked for so long?” said AOC on her TikTok channel after viewing harrowing footage of agents on horseback doing their job. “Also, who cut off the horns of those unicorns and put saddles on them? It’s so inhumane! This is actual, literal fascism, people. Just like Hitler and slavery.”

She then donned her fancy white crying suit and wept in anguish.

CNN broke the story, which included disturbing footage shot by citizen journalists of border agents riding on large, scary mammalian creatures, up and down the border, as if they are trying to prevent people from entering the country illegally.

“Just horrific,” said CNN anchor Jake Tapper. “It’s hard to believe such a thing could happen in our country.”

Former President Obama also weighed in, saying: “This is…uh…not, who we are.”

The Border Patrol has apologized, saying the offending agents will be placed on unpaid leave immediately pending investigation. The rest of the officers will be tasked with handing out voter registrations and government food assistance cards to incoming Democrat voters.

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4 Comments
TN Patriot
TN Patriot
  KaD
September 25, 2021 9:34 pm

That is my Kroger and I know some LEO’s who worked the scene. It appears he was terminated by the deli manager that morning. Rumor has it that he shot her in the face and she is in VERY serious condition (probably dead and waiting on family to pull the plug). He came in the door right in front of the deli/sushi bar and started shooting. He then turned down the front aisle and continued shooting until he got to the aisle that led to the warehouse. He had been trained in active shooter at the store and knew where to find the ones he was after. Went up to one group and shot 4 of 6 standing there. Cops showed up and he ate a bullet. He either ran out of ammo in the 5.56 or it jammed and he pulled out his trusty .22 to off himself.

It has shaken this little town to its core. Cops were on the scene in less than 3 minutes, proving once more that you need to arm yourself, rather than waiting on them to come save you.

MrLiberty
MrLiberty
September 25, 2021 10:40 pm

DNC sued by HASBRO for blatantly copying their well- known toy “Mr. Potato Head” in the candidate they illegally elevated to the presidency through election fraud and judicial misconduct – News item.