EL PASO, TX — After hearing about the size of the average American, Haitian cannibal gangs rushed the southern border near El Paso this week in a race to be first in line for the smorgasbord.
“Hey man, look at dat,” Haitian cannibal and political leader Barbecue said. “Those are some chunky, chubby, rolly polly people coming at me. Hang on, let me grab my bib and steak knives. It’s lunchtime!”
After reports surfaced of Haitian gang members cannibalizing their victims, coup leader Barbecue announced he would be taking his men across the U.S. border to find a more plentiful source of food. With a nearly 30 percent overall obesity rate among adults, experts believe the U.S. is poised to be a prime destination for those wishing to dine on human flesh.
“We’ve seen a sharp rise in adult BMI rates over the past few years,” CDC Spokeswoman Sheila Jameson told reporters. “This would explain the sudden influx of Haitian cannibal gangs pouring over our southern border in search of better sources of food.”
As of publishing time, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had condemned Republicans for referring to the cannibalistic Haitian warlords as “illegals”, asserting that these men are only crossing the border to find a better, more sustainable way to feed their growing craving for human meat.
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Plz don’t call those Haitian gangs cannibals, the are ”human flesh attracted persons”
🤮
They see us as the “other” White meat
I see them as targets of opportunity.
The US STATE DEPARTMENT has issued a warning to all Walmart’s & Taco Bell’s to be aware of Lord BBQ and his merry band of ‘Long Pork’ eaters.
This was inevitable
The Haiti Weight Loss Diet
Come on!
Who had Haitian cannibal border surge for March?
Winner: Jamie Dimon.
Hokay, let us become very realistic. After the big collapse, the one for which you did not adequately prepare (and who has?), when hungry enough, you will become much less picky about what you will eat-dogs, cats, possums, skunks, raccoons, rats, snakes, and yes, dead bodies that are still fairly fresh.
Imagine that there is a dead body laying out in the street, the result of a shootout, over a few cans of beanie-weenies, that you just witnessed while peeking out the corner of your front window. Your kids behind you have not had a single bite of food for a week and are on the verge of starvation. Are you willing to tell me that you would not drag that dead body around into the back yard, cut off a few steaks, and feed the kids? You wouldn’t even stop to wonder if the former owner of the body had been stupid enough to get the shit shot.
When people are starving, and there are no other alternatives, they turn to cannibalism. Of course, I gotta admit, Africans (Bantu) regularly practice cannibalism even when food is plentiful. The inhabitants of Haiti are about 100% African. After they killed and ate the French colonists, they killed and ate the half-breeds who led the revolution against the French.
My Joy of Cooking cookbook has recipes for possum, squirrel, and other game.
But nothing for Long Pork.
I just imagine carnitas, etc…
Joy of Cooking:
Low-salt varmints in super-hydrogenated shortening
Maybe with some Fabre beans and a nice chianti ?
The question isn’t whether you would eat people, but whether you would eat the AIDS-ridden, syphilitic, vaxxed up, hormone-injected niggers and faggots and trannies, or whatever?
And why are you peeking out of windows during shootouts?
Be the shooter or something, don’t be a bystander.
Cook the prime DemoKKKrats low and slow ⛛
Rendering the fat down will be rough, eh’?
They’ve got their work cut out for them ……. just the time it will take to “render-down” democrat carcasses will be daunting.
“To Serve Man”