Guest Post by Kurt Schlichter
When we gather together this Christmas, it’s going to be super-awkward since everybody is dead because Donald Trump pulled out of the Paris Climate Scam, repealed net neutrality, and cut taxes. The depredations of Genghis Khan, the Black Plague, and the repeal of the Obamacare mandate – these are pretty much the same thing. Santa Claus and all of our dreams are dead too.
Continue reading “Christmas Is the Perfect Time to Mock Liberals, and Other Random Thoughts”
Guest Post by Kurt Schlichter
Editor’s note: This column is satire.
We’ve learned so much about what women face in the last few weeks, and you liberal men should take this as an opportunity to change – specifically, out of your flapping bathrobes and into some Dockers. Groping, flashing, molesting shrubs – believe it or not, some women consider these things to be wrong. Crazy? Sure, but for now it’s no more monkey business as usual. As a noted Democrat, you need to maintain your political viability, and you can exploit the respect and concern for women you’ve always pretended to have to help you dodge responsibility for whatever you’ve already done!
Guest Post by Kurt Schlichter
As Jeff Flake joins Bob Corker in America’s political gimp box, perhaps our betters in the Grand Old Party should reflect on how two of their own came to this sorry end. Well guys, there’s this thing called “loyalty,” and out in America we kind of expect it. You DC dwellers should investigate that concept in depth, not only in order to improve your characters – you guys love babbling about “character,” right? – but to save your useless hides from the electoral accounting that’s coming.
Let me break it down in simple terms so you don’t have to go get one of your minions to explain the big words. Stop taking sides with the enemy against us or we are going to throw you out of your nice, comfy offices. Clear enough for you?
Continue reading “It’s Not Too Much To Ask That Our GOP Hacks Show Some Loyalty To Their Voters”
Guest Post by Kurt Schlichter
I don’t agree with liberals often, because I’m not an idiot and because I love America, but when they once again say, “We must have a conversation about guns!” I still couldn’t agree more. And, since all we’ve heard is you leftists shrieking at us all week, I’ll start it off.
You don’t ever get to disarm us. Not ever.
There. It sure feels good to engage in a constructive dialogue.
Continue reading “Nothing Makes Liberals Angrier Than Us Normals Insisting On Our Rights”
Guest Post by Kurt Schlichter
The news that Southern-fried rock/rapper Kid Rock will be running for some timeserving Dem hack’s Senate seat in Michigan should make every normal American smile and spill a 40 to his homies. The future Senator Rock deserves your eager support for two critical reasons: First, it will drive the liberals insane. Second, it will make George Will and the rest of Team Fredocon soil themselves.
“Kid Rock? Oh, well I never!” You simpering sissies. I’ll take his nasty stringy mop and torn wife beater over your preferred weasels’ coiffed politician/newscaster hair and Gucci loafers.
Guest Post by Kurt Schlichter
I know it’s theoretically wrong for a Republican candidate to smack around an annoying liberal journalist, but that still doesn’t mean that I care. Our ability to care is a finite resource, and, in the vast scheme of things, millions of us have chosen to devote exactly none of it toward caring enough to engage in fussy self-flagellation because of what happened to Slappy La Brokenshades.
Sorry, not sorry.
Continue reading “Liberals Are Shocked To Find We’re Starting To Hate Them Right Back”
Guest Post by Kurt Schlichter
After eight years of Barack Obama’s pathetic fecklessness, America has got its feck back.
And the whiny progressives who prefer our woman-enslaving, gay-tossing, toddler-crucifying enemies to the guy who beat their designated heir to the Crown (Royal) are in a tizzy.
Oh no, America is refusing to continue down the path of submission, humiliation, and utter failure blazed by President Faily McWorsethancarter!
Heavens, we can’t have our enemies respecting us, much less fearing us!
Gosh, we can’t have America re-assuming its rightful place in the world – after all, weren’t we taught that the United States is the root of all evil by our pony-tailed TAs at Fussboy U?
Continue reading “Trump Won’t Be Punked By Foreign Dirtbags Like Obama Was”
Guest Post by Kurt Schlichter
The year 2016 was a great one for our progressive friends – except for that whole utter repudiation unpleasantness of last November. Now, as a concerned conservative friend eager to help, let me offer you some New Year’s resolutions that will keep you on the path to success. The bottom line: stay the course!
Continue reading “Some New Year’s Resolutions for Our Progressive Pals”
Guest Post by Kurt Schlichter
In the midst of our joyous celebrations, and as we savor the delicious schadenfreude left in the wake of Hillary’s humiliating rejection by normal Americans, it’s easy to forget that there is a much darker timeline where things could have gone very differently . . . (Hat Tip: John L. Pitts; Mickey White)
The first few weeks after President-elect Clinton won the election set the tone for what she expected would be the next eight years, and that tone was neither gracious nor inclusive. She wasted no time in flaunting her 306 electoral votes and the Democrats’ 52 seat Senate majority. “America has decisively rejected the hate embodied by Donald Trump and his deplorable supporters,” Hillary bellowed, as she gripped the podium unsteadily, still woozy from her 80 proof election night “party.”
She went on: “I have a massive mandate to impose fundamental change and usher in a new America! And let me warn those who would seek to stop us – you do so at your peril!”
Continue reading “The Terrifying Aftermath of Hillary’s Election Victory”
Guest Post by Kurt Schlichter
Trump’s selection of Andy Puzder, the CEO of CKE Restaurants, Inc. (which owns Carl’s, Jr., and Hardee’s), is great news to those of us who think that, to the extent it should exist at all (which is zero), the Department of Labor should be concerned with getting more people laboring. Instead, under Obama, it seems focused on ensuring that as few people as possible actually work. The liberals’ whinefest about Puzder – as opposed to the liberals’ whinefest about every other Trump appointee – is based on the fact that Puzder’s career has been centered on the kind of jobs that provide the foundation for careers: entry-level, minimum wage gigs that teach you the basics of how to be employed. Puzder endangers the liberal’s scheme to turn those jobs into permanent gigs for people who don’t want to improve their skills and subsidize them with mandated artificially high wages, confident that these serfs will forever vote Democrat.
Guest Post by Kurt Schlichter
Pity the poor liberals in the aftermath of November’s humiliationathon – as we’ve discussed before, they thought they were headed for the penthouse but they found themselves in the outhouse, and there’s no Charmin left to squeeze. Yet that hasn’t stopped them from stupiding all over the place ever since, as if they accepted a dare to see how completely they can compound their failure.
For example, it’s game on for Joe Biden. He has wandered aimlessly back into the spotlight with vague hints that he might stagger for president in 2020, assuming he can find his way back to D.C. from the Delaware balcony where he will spend his post-vice presidency firing random shotgun blasts to fend off imaginary intruders. Democrats have to be excited about the thought of another ancient person of pallor at the top of the ticket; the hip kids sure love them some Joe. As he likes to say when trying to connect with millennial voters, “How about that rap music, huh? Nothing I dig more than busting a move like the Fresh Prince! It’s wack, homies!”
Continue reading “What A Stupid Time To Be Alive For Liberals”