8 Million people have dropped out of the workforce lately. Where did they go? Please, somebody enlighten me!
Alien Abductions Blamed For Disappearing Workforce
With over 8 million people mysteriously disappearing from the US workforce during President Barack Obama’s first term, experts are working on a number of theories to explain this riddle, the most commonly mentioned reason being alien abductions occurring throughout the US on an extraordinarily massive scale.
According to a recent Bureau of Labor Statistics report, the number of people disappearing from the US workforce rose from 80.5 million when the president took office in 2009 to the current 89 million, while unemployment has remained steady near 8-9%. In other words, 8.5 million people have simply vanished in a way that can’t be explained by the usual retirement or disability trends.
“Since we can’t blame it on the economy, the only conceivable explanation is that someone is taking people out of the labor market by force,” said Malcolm Lenivie, noted economist for the DC-based Center for Keynesian Economics. “The President has spent $6 trillion in stimulus packages and all our studies indicate that his plan is working, so something else must be at play.”
Early theories included abductions by Mexican drug cartels, but leading security experts agree that it would be impossible to move eight million people across the US border undetected.
“Our border is extremely secure,” said border security analyst Jared Contrabandzis of the American Progressive Initiative, a non-partisan think tank. “No one can cross our southern border in any direction without our knowledge. The Border Patrol catches them all and reports them to the authorities.”
Sources say the President is taking this matter very seriously and is putting pressure on the Pentagon to investigate the possibility of alien abductions and to find a way to stop the disappearance of the American labor force.
Insiders in Washington speculate that if top brass in the US Air Force do not take immediate action, President Obama will likely fire a number of generals and reorganize the command structure.
“The President will not let this crisis go to waste,” said Lenivie, adding that heads will roll all over Washington until one of these theories can be substantiated. “We know for sure the problem is not caused by the economy, since all of our numbers indicate that recovery is well on its way. It isn’t just around the corner, it is here.”
The White House is ordering the Air Force to review surveillance footage from radar stations throughout the world for evidence of alien aircraft, as intelligence satellites are being re-tasked from areas like the Middle East and China to scour the continental US for possible stashes of missing workers.
“All those people must go back to work,” Lenivie said. “They are tax payers, and we need them to be productive in order to keep our economy moving forward and our debt payments current.”
sangell says:
They have started ‘tutoring” companies and are now small business owners.
When Yolanda Axson wasn’t watching, a pot of hot water spilled into a crib at her day care in Orlando, scalding a 4-month-old boy.
She served probation for felony child neglect and then, barred from child care, found a less regulated line of work. She started a company to earn tax dollars tutoring poor kids in Florida’s failing schools.
When state officials saw Axson’s name on an application for the government tutoring program, they didn’t hesitate. They stamped their approval, and her business, Busy BEE Services, went to work tutoring Florida’s neediest children.
The cost to taxpayers per student? At least $60 an hour.
http://www.tampabay.com/news/education/article1274614.ece
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10th February 2013 at 8:56 pm
AWD says:
8 million people tried out for the reality show “fill the hole”
They were never heard from again
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10th February 2013 at 9:02 pm
AWD says:
Maybe 8 million people were “raptured” and ascended into heaven (and nobody noticed)
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10th February 2013 at 9:18 pm
Jeebus, Son of God says:
Yes, 8 million people were Raptured. You sinners didn’t notice, and I have left you with the antichrist, President Obama. You will now pay the price for your shenanigans.
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10th February 2013 at 9:23 pm
Hope@ZeroKelvin says:
I guess it is easier to make people disappear with a few keystrokes in your economic models than to herd them into a cattle car and kill them in the showers.
But, never fear, that latter option is probably coming some day soon.
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10th February 2013 at 9:24 pm
Jeebus, Son of God says:
Since TBP members are wise, true, fair and just, and didn’t drink the kool-aid, I’m giving you this, my final gift. You’d better use it wisely.
And above all, make sure Obama and the democrats don’t get one
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10th February 2013 at 9:33 pm
llpoh says:
Soylent Green? Maybe the FSA ate them.
Very funny, Jeebus.
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10th February 2013 at 9:40 pm
Jeebus, Son of God says:
You are wise, my son. But Soylent Green is Obama’s future plan for population control and elimination of Republican voters. Only WASPs and Catholics will be made into Solylent Green. But you are correct, they will be fed to the FSA. Such is the penalty for your shenanigans.
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10th February 2013 at 9:47 pm
Makati1 says:
Hahaha… Lots of good ideas. My opinion? They are standing in the ‘soup lines’ using their food stamps (debit cards) and considering a good street corner to set up business with a tin cup and a few pencils.
If you haven’t thought about how long those ‘soup lines’ are now, try 17,800 miles or 7+ times across the US from NYC to LA. THAT is why the cards and not soup lines. They would be way too visible proof of the depression for the elite to tolerate.
47,000,000 x 2 ft. / 5,280 ft. = ~17,803 miles / 2,460 miles = 7.24 times across the US.
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10th February 2013 at 10:53 pm
flash says:
..maybe they all went to Jared?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YguNrs6PnXw
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10th February 2013 at 6:38 am
Nonanonymous says:
They all live on my street selling drugs or buying drugs on some form of disability, welfare or some ther form of social assistance.
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10th February 2013 at 8:05 am
AWD says:
Makati
Maybe somebody can come up with a visual representation of the soup lines.
Households On Foodstamps Rise To New Record
the three month delayed Foodstamp number is according to many a far greater attestation to the “effectiveness” of the Obama administration to turn the economy around. And far greater it is: since his inauguration, the US has generated just 841,000 jobs through November 2012, a number is more than dwarfed by the 17.3 million new foodstamps and disability recipients added to the rolls in the past 4 years. And since the start of the depression in December 2007, America has seen those on foodstamps and disability increase by 21.8 million, while losing 3.6 million jobs. End result: total number of foodstamp recipients as of November: 47.7 million, an increase of 141,000 from the prior month, and reversing the brief downturn in October, while total US households on foodstamps just hit an all time record of 23,017,768, an increase of 73,952 from the prior month. The cost to the government to keep these 23 million households content and not rising up? $281.21 per month per household.
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10th February 2013 at 9:44 am
AWD says:
I still like the soylent green idea
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10th February 2013 at 9:45 am
DaveL says:
There were given new identies, moved to gated communities in Florida, and put on SSDI.
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10th February 2013 at 11:06 am
Randa says:
Many were Sandy Hooked. Sold into slavery or sold for their organs. Whats funny about this post and the comments is the partial truth in them. Were we to know what happened to the 8 million, the truth about the 6 million would be revealed.
Roadkill.
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10th February 2013 at 4:47 pm
Novista says:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/To_Serve_Man
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10th February 2013 at 8:02 pm
Eddie says:
I was going to say that some of them are living at my house…but the truth is that only one person in the whole place is not gainfully employed, and she is absolutely busting her ass in school and making me proud of her.
Another kid moving back home next month. She is going to live with us 10 to 12 months while saving to buy her first house. Dad approves.
Only one holdout…I really think he’d move back if his three sisters hadn’t beaten him to the punch…but the thought of living with three sisters in the house…again? I can see his point. We only have four bathrooms.
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10th February 2013 at 8:26 pm
nonner says:
Eddie, you walk around downtown LA and soon enough you will run into a street preacher. this one was different, i caught some of his spiel – right in my ear, unfortunately – DON’T ACT LIKE I DON’T CARE, THE TRUTH IS, YOU AINT NEVER LEFT, BITCH!
sometimes i feel inspired to go out and declaim the kiddults in my home. i don’t think they have any plan to leave.
thousands of young women have been dissappearing from the streets in juarez for years. that led to a popular revolt against the police which led to the discovery that the cops are nothing more than a taxing authority which led to generalized lawlessness and the imposition of martial law.
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10th February 2013 at 9:16 pm