Tag: Wal-Mart

Walmart Thanks Government For Completely Obliterating Their Small Business Competition

Via The Babylon Bee

U.S.—In an open letter addressed to state officials, Walmart leadership expressed gratefulness to the government for inflating their sales and stock price while completely pulverizing their small business competition.

“Yeah, we know 2020 has been tough for the little people,” said one board member while shoveling piles of cash into his vault. “But it’s been super great for us! No longer do we have to worry about the baker down the street or the family-owned hardware store next door taking away some of our business. The government just blew them up! We didn’t even ask them to! Can you believe it? What luck!”

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

Playstation 5 Hungry

Now 25% off! Hungry? Why Wait? Take a bite out of this PS5 Wireless Controller!

Real Doll Walmart

Recently a real doll has rolled into Walmart. We’ll call her Barbie, pun intended since she’s made of plastic. Barbie is a faux sugar baby who likes long rolls on the beach, and riding near the self checkout. Her dislikes are her lover’s grandson who constantly puts her in the toy box, and telling grandpa she’s “fake.”

Santa's Little Helper

Santa baby, hurry down to the self checkout tonight.

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

Breakfast Most Important Meal

At People of Walmart we enjoy giving the absolute best advice to our visitors. Today, we give you advice through a photo. So the next time your shirt, socks, and underwear are all in the wash strap on your overalls and head to Walmart. Why? Because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Yellow Bananas

Banana Pronunciation: Long Yellow Things

Strange Vehicle

Strange Vehicle

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

Looks like the only police you don’t respect are the fashion-police.

You see it’s all good because they spelled it Fxck instead of Fuck. That’s the big difference people. Because there is an X instead of the U, people won’t be able to read that it says fuck. That’s a little design trick for all you wannabe badasses out there who want to throw the middle finger up to society, but only sorta.

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Scuba Steve Damn You!!!!

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

Maybe that’s what those little tiny front pockets are for in jeans. All this time nobody even thought about tucking their beaver pelt hair into it and the answer was right in front of our faces. Well, behind us actually, but you know what I mean.

Buddy, you aren’t Justin Trudeau, you aren’t going to get away with black face in 2020.

Think we found the cover art for our People of Walmart album.

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

If this is what is deemed “Nice” in Minnesota then you can add this to the long list of reasons I have no desire to venture to the North Star State!

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Here is what we want: your captions! Let us hear what you got. Winner receives something cool…like a used Sandlot 2 DVD or something.

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I see we’ve got some hot spuds there. Oh, and don’t think I didn’t notice you picking out some butter to put on top. Now go grab the sour cream and let’s have a party.

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

I was about to say something then realized if put to a vote, we’d all prefer the silent bag over her head instead of the shouting at us that usually occurs.

Listen bub, it’s a shitty situation all around. Don’t make it worse.

There’s too many Spidermen out there for me to keep track of now, so by default I have to assume every Spiderman I see is real.

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THE ONLY THING SYSTEMATIC IS THE DESTRUCTION OF AMERICA – PART 2

In Part 1 of this article I detailed the purposeful systematic destruction of global economies, with a bad flu as the catalyst, as part of a plan by the Davos elite to reconstruct the world in a manner most beneficial to these evil men and detrimental to you and me. The fight remains to be fought. Orwell’s worst fears are coming to fruition.

The masking of the masses has been, and continues to be, about despotic politicians and arrogant bureaucrats demanding obedience as a mechanism to judge their ability to shame the masses into submission. It has nothing to do with health or protecting others. The health “experts” like Fauci, the Surgeon General and CDC director actually told the truth back in March when they told everyone masks didn’t protect you from viruses. When the powers that be decided this flu needed to be hyped and blown out of all proportion, mask wearing was used as the symbol of fear necessary to panic the public into submission.

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

Looks like Jeffrey Tambor still thinks he’s acting in Transparent. Talk about a commitment to his craft.

Trust me, you’ll feel a lot better once you get that monkey off your back.

Ain’t no coronavirus on Mars bitches. Peace, I’m out!!!

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

And just like that it makes sense why you can never get the package to ever go back into the box correctly after opening it.

Chaos seems like a weird name for you legs, but you do you lady.

Before all of these fancy pants vehicle companies started making crossovers we had to make our own car / SUV crossovers. Just as good in my opinion.

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

I’m okay with the compromise of not making people wear masks in public but they just have to wear this shirt. Everyone wins.

This is what happens when sorority girls have to quarantine for a few months and they’ve got no reason to go through their normal tedious hygiene routine.

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Just because poodles don’t look ridiculous enough on their own you go ahead and shave and paint your dog into a walking Peach Ring. Find a better hobby.

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

If you want to get good at anything, you have to practice nonstop. There are no off days.

Wish I could have been there for that…Not the fucking dogs part, but where you went to a print shop to show them your idea for the shirt you needed to make.

Ah yes, as the great poet Nate Dogg once said “Heyyyeyyy………smoke weed everyday.”

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

Picking out some nice meats and cheeses for the Shart-tooteire board? Thanks for wearing a mask though, I feel like I won’t get any germs from you now.

Oh, well that is one way to ensure your sobriety.

Listen pal, I wouldn’t worry so much about putting your body into ketosis as much as I would worry about the oxygen deprivation there bubble boy.

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