WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

4 comments

Posted on 24th January 2015 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

261

‘Bout to rock that ab cruncher out real hard while sitting quietly in your tree stand for 14 hours without ever seeing a deer?

260

Check out this dude. Hanging onto hope like his life depended on it. Sorry bud it’s over, let it go.

259

Ohhhh so gross. Just nasty, nasty stuff right there. I’d pay good money to be the one to take a hatchet right down on those dirty old nails. Why? Seriously, why? Zero reason for it.

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

0 comments

Posted on 17th January 2015 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

MURICA!!!

 239

Packing 10 pounds of crap in a 5 pound bag. That’s what America does.

240

Thanks for showing us exactly where the doom hole is. Very helpful….Wait a minute. Haven’t I seen that hand “O” somewhere before that ended up stinking it up just as bad?…That’s right. I saw that stinker Monday night from Oregon!

237

What the hell? What kind of asshole actually spreads wide to show me their actual asshole? I don’t need that deep of a look up into your soul sweetie. Keep that poop cutter to yourself.

238

Kinda looks like Waldo just decided to say f it and get all lazy on us.

233

If you wanted to have a whole bunch of messy weird ass hair on your head, would you go with the nappy look or the unraveled ball of yarn?

235

Whatchu gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside that trunk?

236

Honestly, the only theory I have here is that she knows there is some sort of private detective from the court system following her around to determine if she really is crazy.

229

Damn, Willy is the coolest pimp ever. That’s a fact. Always good to get a nice update that his pimp hand is still going strong. Keep doing you youngblood.

231

Looking like you got a damn poodle humping your head girl. C’mon now, stop that.

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

13 comments

Posted on 10th January 2015 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

218

Proof that whether it’s heads or tails you can still lose.

220

The only clear explanation here is this young lady grew by 14 years in a matter of minutes. That is the only reasonable thing to cause those pants to be that tight and for an adult sized person to be on the floor in the toys aisle.

217

What in the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks are you dressing for? “It’s super cold outside so I better dress warm, but I don’t want my milk to spoil under all that heat so I’ll cut out a little moonroof for ‘em.”

219

Damn you for wearing giraffe jammies. Now all I can imagine in my mind is a giraffe with those long necks doing that black girl Mmmm Hmmm neck swivel thing.

215

Well of course Bigfoot is real. How could I look myself in the mirror if I didn’t take the guy with a goat on the roof of his car seriously?

216

Is that what a combover looks like before it’s ready? Just a weird side patch of hair growing? Don’t do it buddy, embrace the bald.

214

To be fair, if I had hair like that I’d try whatever I could think of to shift your focus off of it.

213

♫ Ooh, yeah! All right! We’re jammin’ I wanna jam it wid you. We’re jammin’, jammin’, And I hope you like jammin’, too. ♫

210

In case you were in the mood to drive and catch hepatitis at the same time.

211

Not quite sure what’s going on here. I mean obviously I know every childhood storybook is being ruined in one picture, but outside of that I’m lost.

209

People do know that doing your business in a Walmart parking lot isn’t necessary right? They are open 24 hours with public bathrooms. I know they may not be the world’s best bathrooms, but they provide more privacy than a car door.

208

It’s been a while since we’ve had a “Who Wears it Better?” so we thought we’d celebrate by winning gold baby. Who ya got?

206

I don’t want to make any accusations here, but if given a lineup where I had to spot the dude that has bodies buried under his mother’s basement, I’m taking the guy with a stuffed dog sewed onto his shoulder.

207

This guy better be damn good at MMA to have the you-know-whats to walk around with a side ponytail hairdo like that.

205

Probably buying some jewelry for his anime girlfriend. I’m not quite sure how computer cartoon things wear jewelry but then again I’m not sure how people have made up relationships with them either so whatever.

202

I don’t think they quite get the full understanding of what a drag race is…

203

Perhaps you should just stop f*cking entirely. Saying it, thinking it, doing it. Stop it all. Just a thought.

201

I don’t want to discourage you from buying anything, but do you even know how many times you’ll accidentally titty-dial someone on Facetime? I accidentally do it with my fingers all the time, I can’t imagine how frustrating it would be with a whole titty slopped on the screen.

204

If you had that many sick tribal tattoos you’d never wear a shirt either. Stop being so jelly haters.

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

6 comments

Posted on 3rd January 2015 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

We’ve got it all today – shit, piss, hoverrounds, butt crack and the FBI. Enjoy.

200

In 2015, all shopping in Walmart will be done on bicycles. 2016? Hoverboards. We hope you all nice got nice and toasted last night with your best buds!

198

I can’t publicly come out and support murder, but I can say he may be on to something. Food for thought.

196

Snow? Ice? Freezing temperatures? Nothing can bring down Hulk Hogan!

197

What?!?! That’s the most gangster skullet I’ve ever seen! Business in the front, let off a few rounds into your crew in the back…ya heard!

199

I’m pretty sure we just found the cover of your Valentine’s Day card. You’re welcome everyone. Peace, love & Walmart everybody.

192

If Willy The Pimp had been born a woman, I feel like the pimp of all pimps would look something like this debonaire woman.

194

You ever put some headphones on and forget others can still hear your fart? I feel like this is the ultimate encapsulation of when that happens.

195

What the literal f*ck is going on here? You just gonna piss all over the place like it’s cool with everyone? I hope you get a splinter in your coochie.

193

My thought, this guy is probably actually the world’s best undercover spy. Nobody would suspect him at all. The best disguise is blending in right in front of everyone.

191

I can’t tell if you love rodeos, football, clowns or what. My guess is you just ram it all into being a big NASCAR fan because that just seems like it’s right up your strange alley.

190

We hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas holiday. Now you can all stop eating and drinking to excess for a whole 3 days to prepare for New Years.

189

Great, you just had to wear the pink and white bra. Cause I need to feel like even less of a man when you pick me up and suplex me over my car she-beast.

188

The screen from the bench really gives it an artsy Instagram like filter to his plumbers crack. Doesn’t make it any less gross, just more artsy.

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

21 comments

Posted on 27th December 2014 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

187

Santa Claus is comin’…to town! Who needs reindeer when a perfectly good steed (complete with a Santa hat) does the trick?

182

I’m a tad surprised to find a clown in Walmart, but not shocked at all to find her in the booze section of Walmart. Not a surprise there. I think I’d have to pound a case of beer before I even laced up my gigantic red shoes for the day.

183

2 days ’til Christmas everybody! But real question here, what would you do if this Santa came down your chimney this year? Like you would be hella confused, but then he does have presents for you so you probably don’t want to judge him right to his face so you just offer some cookies and hope it’s over quickly.

185

Grabbing some lunch in the drive-thru lane. Kid is in such a hurry he is just perched up on the handle bar there. Ain’t nobody got time to be putting legs through the cart for safety!

184

When you got a bod like that shirts are optional everywhere. Walmart, work, church, restaurants, you name it – shirts optional for this guy.

178

You know what I love about ugly Christmas sweaters? It’s that women over 50 have no idea they are ugly Xmas sweaters. They just think they are some good looking sweaters. It’s the best. 3 days people, get jolly!

181

I can see your butt. Also, stop buying posters of One Direction or Bieber or whatever…unless you plan on wrapping the poster around your butt, then perhaps go ahead with your purchase.

179

If you need advice I’d ask this lady. Clearly she has the “key” to life. Or maybe the “key” to success? Maybe even the “key” to someone’s heart. I bet she sings in the right “key”? I think you get my point.

180

You must think very highly of yourself to assume anyone wants any part of your weird beanie hat, checkered shoes and hand that looks more like a poorly drawn penis.

See more freaks at People of Wal-Mart

WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

1 comment

Posted on 20th December 2014 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

 Beware – Shit stains ahead.

175

Ha! What the flying f*ck is that hat on your head?!?! – And let’s go to our reviewers, the only people to ever be able to pull off a tiny hat, Men of Film, for their thoughts on her style choice.

176

Wow, a few things coming to my mind right now. (1) How big of a purse do you have that a child can fit in it? (2) Why is your child in your purse? Don’t give me any bullshit medical reason either because no doctor would ever prescribe purse-riding. And (3) When you fly, does she count as a free carry-on?

171

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With a hat like that it’s hard not to be jolly as shit around Christmas! Keep doing your thing and ruining the holidays in style my friend….For the rest of us that enjoy Christmas, it’s 7 days away!

173

Guess she is all horny huh? I bet her boyfriend is Goat Boy. They would be a cute couple.

170

Well the good news for all of us is at least we know this creepy mannequin won’t be giving the guy road head….huh? Road head? Right? Cause it doesn’t have a head everybody. Ya get it? Yaaa you got it. You loved it.

168

What in the blue hell are you camouflaging yourself from in pink camo? Perhaps if you’re hunting unicorns on fantasy island? I don’t know. Maybe the Milf Hunter needs that type of camo…What’s that? Yes, I did indeed just make a 12 year old online porno reference. You’re welcome.

169

Sick bowl cut bro. Lloyd Christmas would be proud.

166

Wow! Even though Black Friday shopping was supposedly down this year, I doubt Walmart felt that effect. We’re still getting pics in from this crazy shopping day. Normally I’d mock this lady, but on Black Friday I’d probably be trying to find the most comfortable place to get the hell out of the way too if I was there.

165

Stop staring ladies and stop player hating guys, you know you wish you had buns of steel like this old dude.

163

Christmas is only 9 days away now people! You’ve got no excuse if your decorations aren’t up by now if this guy can go the extra mile for the holiday spirit.

158

Who knew Granny was a belly-dancer? Once the dancing fever is in your veins it doesn’t leave my friends.

160

I suppose if walking around with TP stuck to your butt isn’t bad enough you can always go for the upgraded model and walk around with shitty TP stuck to your butt. That way you look and smell funny.

159

Sweet mother of mercy…I never remember any of the gingerbread people I ever baked looking anywhere close to that! I’m not gonna lie though, I’d take a bite…

161

I can’t tell if this guy dressed as our boy Willy the Pimp for Halloween or he is just trying to impersonate him enough to catch some fall-off tail. Either way I don’t support knock-offs.

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

6 comments

Posted on 13th December 2014 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

 Lots of ass crack and shit stains this week.

157

Well at some point deep down we all knew this day would come when sagging literally and figuratively hit an all time low. Can’t argue with fashion trends I suppose so “Who Wears it Better?”

156

Lady, you can’t just be walking around with your old bottom biscuits just hanging out. You she be in clothes that wouldn’t show your ass even if you were hanging upside down!

152

What? That’s an outrageous accusation and I’m offended…My Italian mother is extremely loud.

150

Being a Juggalette is lonely, even in public. Mainly because you have your face painted like a devil clown, but for many many other reasons as well.

151

Looks like this guy has got too much coal in his stocking….AmIRightorAmIRight?

148

Well that seems uncalled for. I happen to like my shit and you’re very rude.

145

I feel like at your age it’s useless to even have someone sit you down and explain the purpose of pants. Just keep doing you and we’ll keep taking pictures of you doing you.

147

Guess what? Dogs can have ugly sweaters too. Not their fault though, look at who they have as an example. Anyway, you can get in on this ugly sweater trend and win a free ugly Christmas sweater from our friends at Shirts.com, the BEST funny tee shirts on the web, with the best caption left in our comments section or on our Facebook page!

146

You’re really trying to test the boundaries of our freedom aren’t you?

144

How many times do I have to say that the only pig I want to see in Walmart should be wrapped up by Oscar Mayer waiting for me to buy in the meat section?!?!

141

Christmas is only 16 days away…although if this demon beast thing is in any way associated with Christmas I’m not sure I’ll be partaking in any festivities this year.

143

Does the weight of her hair get factored into her BMI? If so she is probably considered severely obese because that hair looks like it weighs 140 lbs.

142

Sharts happen. It’s a fact of life. That’s my PSA for the day. Feel free to use that quote on your tombstone or something, just make sure you cite me.

138

Woa! Baby on board. And by on board I mean on wood, which is what the bar is made out of that she is bellied up to drinking pounders of PBR.

137

If you want to dress like that, fine go ahead. However, if you choose to dress like a survivalist in the woods I’m gonna treat you like one and not let you buy anything from Walmart. You have to live off the land my friend. You don’t get to wear that outfit and also buy Charmin Wet Wipes so your butt is nice and moisturized while being cleaned.

139

Funniest caption/comment either posted below or on the People of Walmart Facebook page will win an ugly Christmas sweater of your choosing at http://www.shirts.com/ugly-sweaters.html. Entry must be in by midnight EST tonight. Good luck and be funny minions.

Also, be sure to check out other funny t-shirts that you may find Walcreatures wearing!

See more freaks at People of Wal-Mart

WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

0 comments

Posted on 6th December 2014 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

135

I don’t blame you bud, I’d rather suffocate myself than drink Mich Ultra. Just water pretending to be beer. Michelob, stop acting like someone that just got done with a triathlon is just yearning for some of your water with a hint of beer flavor. On some bullshit right there.

134

It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater
(One-eyed, one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater)
A one-eyed, one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me (One eye?)

130

Just because you put your goat in a hilarious chariot that you pull around on your motor-scooter doesn’t mean it’s cool to bring him into Walmart…I mean, it’s really, really close to being just awesome enough for me to allow it, but I still have to say no.

128

Because you would rather look like this than go bare ass on a Walmart toilet seat…

127

No it’s not excessive. He is just very, very business in the front and extremely party in the back. Letting you know what’s up.

126

Holy sweet mother of mercy! You are very frightening. Like the evil villain in a Disney movie scary.

125

Grown ass man looking like Mrs. Doubtfire’s adult son following in his/her footsteps. C’mon now.

120

This little piggy went to Black Friday…

121

What are bottom biscuits called if they aren’t technically your bottom? Thunder thighs just doesn’t seem to do this any justice.

124

Drugs and alcohol. The great debate. I mean both these guys scream “hire me & introduce me to your daughter” but which one would you go with?

114

I can’t think of a more badass combo than a huge red afro and shoulder pads. It just screams “come at me bro” and you know that bro won’t step up.

117

I feel like this guy escaped from our friends over at WhiteTrashRepairs.com and snuck his way into Walmart.

116

The level of give a f*ck on this lady is impressive. Not only did we throw in the towel and just go out in jammies, she couldn’t even be bothered with the extra effort of putting them on the whole way.

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BOOMER BANDIT

4 comments

Posted on 2nd December 2014 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

, ,

These are the criminals our first responders now deal with. Obese Boomers on scooters trying to make a getaway using a walker. I’m surprised the cops didn’t shoot him 15 times. How can you not remember George trying to escape the senior citizen thugs on Seinfeld.

Police: Walmart shoplifter used scooter, walker in getaway

 

NORTH FULTON COUNTY, Ga. —

Milton police say a shoplifter got violent with store employees and is now facing serious charges.

Police say Michael Durkin drove through a Walmart on a motorized scooter stealing several items, and then tried to escape on his walker, but not before pulling a knife on store employees.

Shoppers at the Milton store on Windward Parkway were surprised to hear what police say happened the day before Thanksgiving.

Police say the 56-year-old suspect rode through the store on his scooter picking and choosing items without paying. He then rode right past the register without paying, police said.

“When they were trying to detain him, the shoplifter brandished a knife and told the loss prevention officer to get out of his way or he was going to cut him,” said Milton Police Capt. Shawn McCarty.

Police say the security officer continued to follow Durkin up the street, waiting for officers to arrive.

“When he was in the store shoplifting he was in a motorized cart, and when he got ready to leave he had a walker with him, and that’s what he was using when he tried to get away,” McCarty said.

“Maybe we should have gotten him one of the little scooters. He could have gotten away faster,” shopper Kim Sartore said.

Shopper Christina McManus believes Durkin likely needs help.

“I think we probably have some social services in place with our local government that they need to sit down with him and figure out what his problem is,” McManus said.

Durkin is facing shoplifting and aggravated assault charges.

He remains in the Fulton County jail.