WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

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Posted on 20th December 2014 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

 Beware – Shit stains ahead.

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Ha! What the flying f*ck is that hat on your head?!?! – And let’s go to our reviewers, the only people to ever be able to pull off a tiny hat, Men of Film, for their thoughts on her style choice.

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Wow, a few things coming to my mind right now. (1) How big of a purse do you have that a child can fit in it? (2) Why is your child in your purse? Don’t give me any bullshit medical reason either because no doctor would ever prescribe purse-riding. And (3) When you fly, does she count as a free carry-on?

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With a hat like that it’s hard not to be jolly as shit around Christmas! Keep doing your thing and ruining the holidays in style my friend….For the rest of us that enjoy Christmas, it’s 7 days away!

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Guess she is all horny huh? I bet her boyfriend is Goat Boy. They would be a cute couple.

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Well the good news for all of us is at least we know this creepy mannequin won’t be giving the guy road head….huh? Road head? Right? Cause it doesn’t have a head everybody. Ya get it? Yaaa you got it. You loved it.

168

What in the blue hell are you camouflaging yourself from in pink camo? Perhaps if you’re hunting unicorns on fantasy island? I don’t know. Maybe the Milf Hunter needs that type of camo…What’s that? Yes, I did indeed just make a 12 year old online porno reference. You’re welcome.

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Sick bowl cut bro. Lloyd Christmas would be proud.

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Wow! Even though Black Friday shopping was supposedly down this year, I doubt Walmart felt that effect. We’re still getting pics in from this crazy shopping day. Normally I’d mock this lady, but on Black Friday I’d probably be trying to find the most comfortable place to get the hell out of the way too if I was there.

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Stop staring ladies and stop player hating guys, you know you wish you had buns of steel like this old dude.

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Christmas is only 9 days away now people! You’ve got no excuse if your decorations aren’t up by now if this guy can go the extra mile for the holiday spirit.

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Who knew Granny was a belly-dancer? Once the dancing fever is in your veins it doesn’t leave my friends.

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I suppose if walking around with TP stuck to your butt isn’t bad enough you can always go for the upgraded model and walk around with shitty TP stuck to your butt. That way you look and smell funny.

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Sweet mother of mercy…I never remember any of the gingerbread people I ever baked looking anywhere close to that! I’m not gonna lie though, I’d take a bite…

161

I can’t tell if this guy dressed as our boy Willy the Pimp for Halloween or he is just trying to impersonate him enough to catch some fall-off tail. Either way I don’t support knock-offs.

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

6 comments

Posted on 13th December 2014 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

 Lots of ass crack and shit stains this week.

157

Well at some point deep down we all knew this day would come when sagging literally and figuratively hit an all time low. Can’t argue with fashion trends I suppose so “Who Wears it Better?”

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Lady, you can’t just be walking around with your old bottom biscuits just hanging out. You she be in clothes that wouldn’t show your ass even if you were hanging upside down!

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What? That’s an outrageous accusation and I’m offended…My Italian mother is extremely loud.

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Being a Juggalette is lonely, even in public. Mainly because you have your face painted like a devil clown, but for many many other reasons as well.

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Looks like this guy has got too much coal in his stocking….AmIRightorAmIRight?

148

Well that seems uncalled for. I happen to like my shit and you’re very rude.

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I feel like at your age it’s useless to even have someone sit you down and explain the purpose of pants. Just keep doing you and we’ll keep taking pictures of you doing you.

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Guess what? Dogs can have ugly sweaters too. Not their fault though, look at who they have as an example. Anyway, you can get in on this ugly sweater trend and win a free ugly Christmas sweater from our friends at Shirts.com, the BEST funny tee shirts on the web, with the best caption left in our comments section or on our Facebook page!

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You’re really trying to test the boundaries of our freedom aren’t you?

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How many times do I have to say that the only pig I want to see in Walmart should be wrapped up by Oscar Mayer waiting for me to buy in the meat section?!?!

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Christmas is only 16 days away…although if this demon beast thing is in any way associated with Christmas I’m not sure I’ll be partaking in any festivities this year.

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Does the weight of her hair get factored into her BMI? If so she is probably considered severely obese because that hair looks like it weighs 140 lbs.

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Sharts happen. It’s a fact of life. That’s my PSA for the day. Feel free to use that quote on your tombstone or something, just make sure you cite me.

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Woa! Baby on board. And by on board I mean on wood, which is what the bar is made out of that she is bellied up to drinking pounders of PBR.

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If you want to dress like that, fine go ahead. However, if you choose to dress like a survivalist in the woods I’m gonna treat you like one and not let you buy anything from Walmart. You have to live off the land my friend. You don’t get to wear that outfit and also buy Charmin Wet Wipes so your butt is nice and moisturized while being cleaned.

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Funniest caption/comment either posted below or on the People of Walmart Facebook page will win an ugly Christmas sweater of your choosing at http://www.shirts.com/ugly-sweaters.html. Entry must be in by midnight EST tonight. Good luck and be funny minions.

Also, be sure to check out other funny t-shirts that you may find Walcreatures wearing!

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

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Posted on 6th December 2014 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

135

I don’t blame you bud, I’d rather suffocate myself than drink Mich Ultra. Just water pretending to be beer. Michelob, stop acting like someone that just got done with a triathlon is just yearning for some of your water with a hint of beer flavor. On some bullshit right there.

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It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater
(One-eyed, one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater)
A one-eyed, one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me (One eye?)

130

Just because you put your goat in a hilarious chariot that you pull around on your motor-scooter doesn’t mean it’s cool to bring him into Walmart…I mean, it’s really, really close to being just awesome enough for me to allow it, but I still have to say no.

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Because you would rather look like this than go bare ass on a Walmart toilet seat…

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No it’s not excessive. He is just very, very business in the front and extremely party in the back. Letting you know what’s up.

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Holy sweet mother of mercy! You are very frightening. Like the evil villain in a Disney movie scary.

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Grown ass man looking like Mrs. Doubtfire’s adult son following in his/her footsteps. C’mon now.

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This little piggy went to Black Friday…

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What are bottom biscuits called if they aren’t technically your bottom? Thunder thighs just doesn’t seem to do this any justice.

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Drugs and alcohol. The great debate. I mean both these guys scream “hire me & introduce me to your daughter” but which one would you go with?

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I can’t think of a more badass combo than a huge red afro and shoulder pads. It just screams “come at me bro” and you know that bro won’t step up.

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I feel like this guy escaped from our friends over at WhiteTrashRepairs.com and snuck his way into Walmart.

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The level of give a f*ck on this lady is impressive. Not only did we throw in the towel and just go out in jammies, she couldn’t even be bothered with the extra effort of putting them on the whole way.

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BOOMER BANDIT

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Posted on 2nd December 2014 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

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These are the criminals our first responders now deal with. Obese Boomers on scooters trying to make a getaway using a walker. I’m surprised the cops didn’t shoot him 15 times. How can you not remember George trying to escape the senior citizen thugs on Seinfeld.

Police: Walmart shoplifter used scooter, walker in getaway

 

NORTH FULTON COUNTY, Ga. —

Milton police say a shoplifter got violent with store employees and is now facing serious charges.

Police say Michael Durkin drove through a Walmart on a motorized scooter stealing several items, and then tried to escape on his walker, but not before pulling a knife on store employees.

Shoppers at the Milton store on Windward Parkway were surprised to hear what police say happened the day before Thanksgiving.

Police say the 56-year-old suspect rode through the store on his scooter picking and choosing items without paying. He then rode right past the register without paying, police said.

“When they were trying to detain him, the shoplifter brandished a knife and told the loss prevention officer to get out of his way or he was going to cut him,” said Milton Police Capt. Shawn McCarty.

Police say the security officer continued to follow Durkin up the street, waiting for officers to arrive.

“When he was in the store shoplifting he was in a motorized cart, and when he got ready to leave he had a walker with him, and that’s what he was using when he tried to get away,” McCarty said.

“Maybe we should have gotten him one of the little scooters. He could have gotten away faster,” shopper Kim Sartore said.

Shopper Christina McManus believes Durkin likely needs help.

“I think we probably have some social services in place with our local government that they need to sit down with him and figure out what his problem is,” McManus said.

Durkin is facing shoplifting and aggravated assault charges.

He remains in the Fulton County jail.

WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

2 comments

Posted on 29th November 2014 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

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That face I’ll be making today around 5 pm after hammering down approximately 72 pounds of turkey and all the fixings! Happy Thanksgiving!

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With Thanksgiving upon us I thought we could play a new game – pregnant or smuggling a turkey?

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People going crazy at Walmart is the usual. People going crazy on Black Friday is the usual. People going crazy at Walmart on Black Friday is a vicious concoction that will leave us all amazed. Make sure you’ve got your camera game on lock down Thursday Night into Friday!

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Looking like she is stealing 2 Butterball turkeys for Thanksgiving…

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The dreaded Black Friday nightmare is approaching so don’t forget to bust out that new camera you spent 17 hours in line to save $50 on and snap some great pics of the chaos for everyone to see!

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So apparently the story here is that this little guy walked right into the store and the police tazed him to death (after not being able to remove him I assume). So, I’d just like to go ahead and thank them for ruining the hopes and dreams of every little kid in that store who probably thought Rudolph just got murdered.

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Meet Hank Hogan, Hulk’s younger and less successful brother who always chased the glory but never seemed to make it.

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These two brothers are looking like The Angry Beavers came to life in human form.

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You think you look fabulous, but I think you look like one of those grids they lay down to show the change in elevation on a topographic map.

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WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

5 comments

Posted on 22nd November 2014 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

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Sometimes I think it would be nice to just go whenever and wherever. But then I think about that rubber tube going into my peehole and wince like a little bitch.

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I bet you didn’t know Batman drives a pedo-van. I can see through that black and yellow paint. You aren’t fooling anyone.

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This dude’s ass has a full beard. Let that sentence marinate overnight…

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Looks like we are a few PBRs and a cigarette away from a legit PoWM party!

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Thongs no longer become sexy when you don’t want to see the ass that is wearing them

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If you were going for the pregnant stripper on meth look I think you killed it.

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The way she’s clenching those buttcheeks I think there’s much more than shorts up in those biscuits.

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I honestly can’t tell where her hair ends and her person begins.

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I always thought April showers bring May flowers but I guess Axl Rose is here to squash that one.

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I feel like I should walk over and take a dump on the floor so that entire roll of toilet paper hanging out of your pants doesn’t go to waste…

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That moment when you realize the weekend is over and just say f*ck it.

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Looks like someone forgot to take the wrapper off of their biscuit…

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That’s it, I’m done with Walmart

89 comments

Posted on 21st November 2014 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

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Guest Post by the Lonely Libertarian

Seriously, I’m done.

I went to pick up a few toiletries at lunch and came up against a lesson in immigration and entitlement. I was in the vitamins aisle, listening to several foreign women chattering away loudly in the next aisle over. Irritating? Oh yeah, but what are you going to do? They are entitled to speak whatever language they want while out shopping. They may be new and working on their English skills, and their native language is more comfortable for them. Whatever the reason, it’s none of my business.

So rounding the corner to head down the lotions aisle, I see them standing right in front of what I need. Three Somali women, dressed head to toe in native garb, laughing and talking in Somali and blocking the whole aisle. I saw two shoppers head down the aisle, see them and back out; I’m not that timid. I walk up to them, politely ask to get what I need, and start to reach for my body lotion. That’s when they turn, proudly displaying their Walmart employee badges, and shift to block my access. One of them tells me, “No English, no English.” WTF?! Seriously?!

So I pantomime that I need to get past them and get my lotion, they giggle, chatter and turn their backs to me, not ceding an inch. Don’t mess with a redheaded Texan, bitches; I gently pressed past them and grabbed my lotion. I decided I’d shopped enough and headed straight to Customer Service where I waited for 25 minutes while the service rep tried to explain to the non-English speaking Hispanic woman why she couldn’t return used panties. When I finally got up there, my blood pressure was pounding behind my eyes and I had a massive migraine starting, but I used my polite reasonable words. I explained that I had been treated rudely and dismissively by three employees who were taking a break in the lotions aisle. I explained they pretended to not speak or understand English, and refused to allow me access to the products they were blocking. Since I couldn’t pronounce or even spell the names on their tags (not a single one of them was Beth or Peggy), I described them as closely as possible considering I could only see fabric, the tips of their shoes and their faces. And that’s when I was told that they were NOT required to speak English, that they were hired to interact with Amarillo’s Somali community, and not English speaking customers. Furthermore, I was being unreasonable to expect them to act a certain way. I was basically treated as a redneck bigot and told if I didn’t like interacting with other cultures, I shouldn’t shop there. Absolutely fine with me.

No surprise here, this is the same suburban Walmart that was featured in my back to school entitlement post. This is the store the farthest from the Somali community (there are two others within a couple of miles of their neighborhoods), it is in the upscale Southwest area where homes range from $250K to $750K, and one million-plus dollar gated community. Not a lot of Somali refugees. So one wonders, just how much work do they do? How often are they called upon to translate or interact? Are these some of those jobs we’re told Americans won’t do? How many qualified American applicants were turned down so these women could have these jobs?

So yeah, I’m done with Walmart; and I left the lotion on the Customer Service desk, not another penny.

WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

5 comments

Posted on 15th November 2014 by Administrator in Economy |Politics |Social Issues

78

Rock on old dude. He definitely hit the point of f*ck it and I’m loving it.

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Hello! McFly! The 80’s called and said to keep their clothes since eventually that idiotic style will come back to become relevant again.

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I’m scared…a little confused…mainly terrified though. Lookin’ like Cindy Lou Who on a Scarface-sized pile of cocaine.

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Someone please explain to this guy how to properly use the belt he has on, I just don’t have the time or energy for his bullshit right now.

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I see you went with the family size serving of bottom biscuits today…

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Sure everyone loves their comfy clothes they get to lounge around in at home. The never match but we go for comfort not style. The big catch there is most of us keep that stuff at home and don’t rock it out in public. Not my cup of tea but maybe you guys can tell us “Who Wears it Better?”

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Just in case you were wondering what could add to the awesomeness of a guy in a mustache with 2 chains lying on top of a lightning bolt double eagle shirt, the answer is he is also a squirrel master. So just know nothing you do today or for the rest of your life will end up being as cool as this dude right now.

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Happy Veterans Day to all those who proudly served to protect our rights and freedom to dress like this.

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Nothing like a little sibling scuffle in the middle of Walmart to remind you to go ahead and grab those condoms before you leave the store.

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If you are too old to wear footie pajamas, then you definitely should not be wearing them in public…on a Monday…at 5 PM…with your bff…who also happens to be in her pajamas.

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I don’t know why you’re surprised, pimps like to take rides in limos too. Just gotta keep it slow so you don’t spill the Cognac, ain’t that right Pinky?

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That’s what happens when you use too much lard in your bottom biscuits. They tend to melt all over the place. Not good.

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That is a fancy hair piece you’ve got there. If it were on a 6 year old girl playing Disney dress up it would be adorable. On you, it’s odd and a bit frightening.

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If you asked me what the Terminator was buying at Walmart it would honestly take me less than a second to guess camo pants and a shitload of protein supplements.

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